The leader of a big-time band

Cole Porter

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If a girl in any sector
Makes you feel like a puppy called Hector,
And you're longing to subject 'er,
To elect 'er your wife and protect 'er,
If she's just as sweet as nectar,
But of your job she's no respecter,
Become a top band director
And you never, never will miss.
In the old days, when a maid desired to wed,
Any man who'd foot the bill could fill the bed,
But today the lad who's sure to win her hand
Is the leader of a big-time band.
Even gals who go for wrestlers quit 'em quick
When they meet some guy who sings and swings a stick,
For of late the only date they long to land
Is the leader of a big-time band.
When they hear Harry James
Make with the lips,
The most Colonial dames
Fracture their hips,
So if thee would like to be in great demand,
Be the leader of a big-time band.
In the gilded age, a Wall Street millionaire
Was the answer to a working maiden's prayer,
But today she'd chuck that yearly fifty grand
For the leader of a big-time band.
In the days when Casanova was the tops
All his rivals with the femmes were famous flops,
But today who's got that extra monkey gland?
Why, the leader of a big-time band.
When Goodman, champ of champs,
Goes blowin' blue,
Rum-ridden debutramps
Nearly come to.
'Cause there's nothing, when you're out, like being fanned
By the leader of a big-time band.
In the days when old King Louie held the scene,
Any Jock who had the Jack could play the Queen,
But today who'd come and play that baby grand?
Why, the leader of a big-time band.
When, in Venice, Georgia Sand with Chopin romped,
Her libido had the Lido simply swamped,
But today who would be buried in the Sand?
Why, the leader of a big-time band.
When Dorsey starts to tilt
That horn about,
Dear Missus Vanderbilt
Bumps herself out,
So, if, say, you still can play a one-night stand,
Be the leader of a big-time band.
When in Reno ladies we know used to clown,
All the chaps who wore the shaps could wear 'em down,
But today the only rider they demand
Is the leader of a big-time band.
When Salome got John the B. and by the head,
It appears he wasn't kosher in da bed.
But todoy who'd be the goy she'd loyke to land?
Why, the leader of a big-time band.
When Cugat comes to tea
With Gypsy Rose,
She gets so het up she
Puts on her clothes,
And she only turns one cheek while being scanned
By the leader of a big-time band,
By the leader of a band,
By the leader of a big-time band.

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