Stop The Sermon, I Want To Get Off!


Sometimes I think the hardest thing
a preacher has to do
is know the sermon stopping point
and simply say:
"I'm through".
"That's it".
"No more".

"I've told you all I know".


You'd think a preacher would be taught
the rudimentary skill
of bringing sermons to a close
before the people start to doze
and fall out of the pews.

But the problem here -
clear as a bell -
is most preachers are very happy to tell
far more than they really know.
It takes time, you see,
to reach point 23
in a measly half an hour.


A word of caution, if you will.
The phrase "Now one more thing..."
can cause one's heart to leap and sing
because the sermon's near the end.
But back up just a step, my friend.
There is no guarantee
that "one more thing" might really be
the last and final word.


The same is true with other terms
like "as  I close" or "I'll summarize".
But worst of all, the cruelest joke
is "in conclusion then".
You may as well sit back and grin
send out for pizza,
take a spin,
call up your mother's sister Gwen,
shoot the breeze then check again
the prospect of an end.



  • Author: DesertWords (Offline Offline)
  • Published: November 10th, 2018 14:07
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views: 29
  • User favorite of this poem: Echo Seeker.


  • orchidee

    And we're trapped heehee! If someone just drones on, we can't get out, apart from leaving most embarrassed, with some excuse like: 'I really must go, me house is on fire!' Or 'if I don't leave now, it'll be Monday any minute!'

  • Leisa Niamh

    Really funny. reminds me why I don't go to church!

  • dusk arising

    Ironic isn't that a preacher regurgitates phrases from a book that has now been proven to be full of mis-translations from the original script. Generally accepted by the various church''s own theologists as being true. Perhaps the congregation would be larger if a lot of the falseness was taken away.
    Sorry to drone on a bit, your writing was certainly fun but as you can see - touched a nerve.

  • Goldfinch60

    Great write, I can remember one vicar that used to slap the top of the pulpit allegedly to make a point, in reality to wake people up.

    • DesertWords

      Better than slapping in the face, I guess. Thanks.

    • Echo Seeker

      Lol, I know that feeling.

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