Im Scared To Grow Up

Writings From The Unknown13

its scary to think about how back in 9th grade i thought i would never see the day i was happy.

its scary to think about how back in 9th grade i never thought i would live to see the day i graduate high school.

i always said if things get so bad, 

if i fail, 

if i no longer make a difference in the world or any ones life..

i would kill myself and give up.

in 9th grade i didnt think i would live to even see my first day of junior year.

sometimes i still think to myself if i hit rock bottom..

i will die but that all changed...

life went on..

but here i am still terrified to graduate and grow up because to be honest...

i dont know if i can do it..

i dont know if ill be able to pull it off..

go to college,

pass with a certificate or associates degree,

pay my phone bill, clothes, student loans, an apartment, car bills, gas...

i still dont even have a steady job yet.

ive only had one job.

if i could i would take a year off and get a job and save my money so i can start paying for things little by little.

back in 9th grade and 10th grade i just couldnt imagine my future..

i couldnt vision me living long enough to even write this poem let alone going to college and growing up.

im not sure if i can grow up and be an adult all on my own successfully...

because i cant rely on my dad all the time.

there will come a time where i wont have him there by my side when i need him and i wont have anyone to ask for help.

im terrified that im not going to grow up successfully and proud.

im afraid im going to fail thats why i said in 10th grade i dont want to go to college..

because im afraid.

i wish i could go back to being a little kid.

if i could i would die...

i would kill myself for a day and then wake up the next day..

and thats where my get away in plattsburgh takes place in my life.

sometimes i wish i could go there and not tell anyone and see if anyone cared i was gone.

i went to new jersey for a day..didnt tell alot of people..

but no one even bothered to ask when i came back.

i asked how many people asked where was i or even if they noticed i was gone.

and only a couple people asked and noticed but thats my point...

no one cared enough to wonder if something happened because im in school every single day.

i would love to go somewhere for a week..

and see how many people actually cared that i was gone

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Comments2

  • Debsspot

    Expressed well. There is no instruction manual to life so it can be pretty scary. You have a great attitude though in the way that you appreciate the help you are being given and are eager to make your own way in life. Thats a great start. I wish you every sucess.

  • M. E.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

    You'll be okay. Just like your thoughts and feelings and plans all changed from 9th grade to now, you'll adapt and grow into next year and beyond.

    You have lots of support and help if you need it, but honestly, I think you'd do just fine on your own if you needed to.

    Change can be scary, but it can also be amazing, and open so many new opportunities and experiences. Keep at it; you'll be fine!



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