Cold Under The Coat
Oh my love
How I must have changed
Since we last failed
And so deliciously
You never faltered though
Or paused or turned
For one final
Backward glance did you
Nor did you drop one of your
Elegant gloves as we passed
In the second hand book store
I know because I checked
I checked the next day too
And despite it being summer
And with mercury still climbing
I recall a distinct chill
It was the moment the hem of your
Dress brushed past my knee
Yes it was then I promised myself
Another beard come winter
You may laugh but I have considered
Taking up walking with my mandolin
Or a meerschaum pipe maybe
Perhaps you would notice me then
Although I trust my self less
With you these days than I once did
With nicotine
Which took some quitting too
I kept the old green corduroy coat
By the way but only ever wear it now
In the garden and on special occasions
Because you once liked it
And because
It still smells of you
At least I think its you
It could be no one else for sure
Oh my love
How we have both changed
Since failing
And so completely
-
Author:
Neville (
Offline) - Published: July 29th, 2019 01:29
- Comment from author about the poem: Bring it on, dont be shy....
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 37
- Users favorite of this poem: Michael Edwards
Offline)
Comments8
A fine write Neville. Did she 'get her coat' , as they say, cos she overstayed her welcome, as in "I'll get my coat"?
maybe ... but what matters most is that you have graced this page with your glowing presence & for which I thank you....my coat by the way was corduroy .. but I am looking for one made from eh hem dare I say it... guinea pig ...
Thanks N. Argghh, woof ,woof. Fido gone into a frenzy - guinea pig coat! oohh.
Wonderful write Neville. Those times past with the lady of your life are always so special.
I used to smoke a Meerschaum pipe many years ago.
Bless ya GF60 sir... many thanks indeed.. I do have a very old bowl backed mandolin I play occasionally.... Never had a Meerschaum pipe tho....
Never had a mandolin nor a meerschaum pipe but I do have a bowler hat. In all seriousness this is one hell of a write - one of the few here on MPS which I could read again and again - in fact I'll keep it as a fav.
Hey Michael.. how cool is that.... many big thank you's from me to you sir... and welcome back.. N
A garment and its smell can have such a permanent significance and the coat your verse mentions can bring back many memories. The hint of pathos makes this read special as does the tenderness expressed in each line and oh those few final words.............. Fay
Bless ya Fay and true... many thanks indeed my friend... N
This is one heck of a write! There are spots of sensuality in it that I did not miss--and that you kept your corduroy coat all these years.....And I really like the last stanza. Haven't we all failed at love? It's great.
Sending one heck of a thank you in your direction and yes.. I guess we all have some time or another..... Neville
You are most welcome!--C
SHE walked away-
thus the reason for these memories that your heart still yearn
a poetic rendition, that I still silently sing
Yep the one that got away... thankfully they are but words.. and thanks for calling on them today my friend..... Neville
Here it comes! No, seriously. I thoroughly enjoyed this. We've all been there, when the girl of your dreams spurns you or becomes not what you dreamed of. It makes a great tale to watch the romance develope and then "fail."
Okay, here's a bit for you- Drop the "and" in the last line of the first and last stanzas. It leaves the reader waiting and then realizing "Oh, that's it." Without it the poem flows more freely. If you want a pause with no expectation of further development, maybe a few ellipses would do. also in Stanza 6 Maybe change "have" to "had" for you are reflecting on past times.
Seems "we have both changed" is the answer to why such things happen. In days or weeks or years that changing can occur. I've seen couples split in both short or extensive time frames.This poem conveys the feelings of both parties, one chilly, the other left longing. Beneath the coat lies a broken heart would be my guess. - Phil A.
Thank you for taking the time to consider these words of mine Phil they are indeed appreciated ...
Neville
Outstanding Neville! This is you at your very best. There is so much here that i really like and admire so much. Such a wonderful read. A story of glorious emotion carried across years of acceptance and knowing. The love of what once was and couldn't continue, yet it lingers and has become a distant and unconditional emotion which is love itself.
You really are far too kind DA, nevertheless, as always your opinion is both welcome and truly appreciated, and for those reasons, I most grateful to you my friend....... Neville
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