Most of my life I had believed,
Believed in the Christian way,
The way of Christ.
Said to be Christ Our Lord,
The Saviour of Our World,
Son of God.
But where was He?
Where was He when my wife was ill?
Struck down with dementia!
All her life she had sung His praises,
Always there for Him,
But He was not there for her,
Or for me!
I looked after her
Often praying to my Christian God,
But nothing happened.
Each day she got worse
Until that time,
That time when I could not help her,
Help her any more,
So to a Care Home she went.
I was so sad,
So guilty,
But it had to happen,
Or I would also be there.
My Faith had become strained,
My Spirit was still there,
But not the spirit of the christian church,
My christian faith failed completely.
Then came that day,
That day at Church when I stopped,
Stopped praising Jesus,
Jesus as the son of god.
Yes Jesus was a good man
But not the saviour
Believed by the christian church.
That day changed my life,
It was like a weight had been shed,
Shed from by body.
All was well within me,
My own life had returned,
My Spirit was with me
And always will be.
But the ways of the christian church have left me
And relief pervades my body,
My body and mind.
-
Author:
Goldfinch60 (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: August 8th, 2019 01:32
- Comment from author about the poem: This has been coming for quite some time and on Sunday it happened, we were singing a song translated from Tamil where the chorus was "Christ is all to me, Jesus Christ is all to me, In this life of strife and sorrow, Christ is all to me". I stopped singing those words and it was like a weight had been lifted from me. I will still sing in the Church Choir as the Choir does no longer have many people in it and I would not like to let my friends in the Choir down. The words will be meaningless to me though as I will just be using my voice as an instrument.
- Category: Special occasion
- Views: 38
Offline)
Comments9
these words will sadden many of those who find them here... they are indeed sad.. however, I am sure that most will understand.... and there is nowt to forgive..... Sometime just unburdening oneself is a massive relief my friend........ Neville
Thank you Neville, I understand that many will be saddened but my heart is happier with making the decision. Your words are most meaningful to me.
I'm right beside you sir...
Some could be happy for you, and say 'Glad you've left all that rubbish now', but I feel the sadness in this.
In my hymn-poems, even if I might not trust in all I write, I feel there is a spark of faith, however small at times.
I can understand it though, with words such as 'Christ meets all my needs', which can seem to mock you, and others.
Yet I go on writing about 'comfort' etc - in the sense of 'solace' and 'strengthen'.
I can understand you feeling the sadness Orchi but I did not do this lightly, there appears to have been nobody in christianity there for us as Joyce's dementia got worse, and my making that decision has lightened my life.
It's not just me trying to be cheery, though I suspect you have not abandoned things altogether. Otherwise you might never wish to set in a church again.
I just got caught up, distracted maybe with some forms of service - Pentecostal type - should I sit, stand, clap, bow, ump up and down, etc? Though it didn't seem to affect my basic beliefs.
I feel for the 'journey' you've been on - seems like you've arrived at the right shore - so pleased for you.
Thank you Michael, I am sure that I am in the right frame of mind now.
We are guilted in to believing, and then fear holds us captive.
Absence of these, we become truly liberated.
Very true So.
I can't tell you how much your words resound within me. My watershed was my beautiful daughter being born mentally handicapped overseen by this omnipotent god.
Since rejecting the falsness of christianity so much more spirituality has entered my life. My disbeliefs, in the christianity i grew up being taught, are bolstered by the likes of eloquent speakers such as Stephen Fry who are able to voice the subject far better than me.
Yes My Spirit has always been within me and it has nothing to do with religion. I now know that my journey will move forward in wonder and joy.
Full of sadness my friend It may always be that way. I lost my faith overnight. and years later I still feel bitter of the abandonment. Life goes on It has to, I wish you well.
Thank you moordy, I feel relieved that I can now move on.
There is no fear in love my dear friend - so with love's true spirituality at heart your journey will become more enlightened with Knowing.
Than k you Fay I am sure that my journey will become more knowing and full of freedom.
So many hard questions - so little time to find answers.
So true.
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