I Reach For The Knife

My eyes keep betraying me
Signalling my state
My tears they hold me ransom
Demanding to be shed 
My heart it cracks slowly
My strength seeping out
I wonder whether the relief would come for me
If the blood would ease it out
The pain, would it ease?

I reach for the knife 

What stops me is I've nowhere to hide
The scars I'd leave behind
If I start
Could I stop?
What it would mean
I'd have lost
Each day my thoughts come forth
They try to drag me down
I fight
I've fought
I'm losing my strength
It's daily this battle
This battle against myself
How can I win when I am both?
I am defender I am destroyer
So how can I lose?
In harmony I must rise
Accept the good and the bad
Each day try to find a little gratitude
Turn my back upon the knife 
For it will not soothe 
It will not ease
If I attack, my blood will run free
I can't feed its hunger
For it will devour me...


  • orchidee

    I can see how this helps you in expression.
    Erm, keep blunt knives nearby then! I wish I would shut up sometimes (oohh. lol) - sorry!

    • Clara

      Haha! Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂

      CLARA X

    • ron parrish aka wordman

      emotional write,when we feel that much alone

      • Clara

        Thank you for reading and commenting.
        Writing this felt like more of an emotional release than self harm ever would be.

        Take care
        CLARA X

      • Goldfinch60

        Very emotive write, your words are sharper than any knife and the feelings that they carve onto the page will help you so much more. Keep those words flowing and the light will come to you.

        • Clara

          Thank you for reading and commenting. It means a lot.

          CLARA X

        • dusk arising

          Just a thought comes to mind. A drawer which only contains a picture of that knife..... you open the drawer and look at the knife.... and say... "no, not today.... that was a yesterday... and i am better than that..."

          • Clara

            I smiled reading your comment. That is exactly what I was hoping to portray.

            Thank you for reading!

            CLARA X

          • thnx4dfish

            Beautiful and relatable. I like the words you chose to express this feeling very much.

            • Clara

              Thank you very much!

              It's always nice to know we aren't alone in feeling these raw and consuming emotions. It's just how we battle through them to the other side.

              CLARA X

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