Removing the Mask

italianwoman

I never thought how good it would feel,

To not have to be fake, to be honest and real.

I never knew the comfort of showing my face,

Or accepting somebody else’s grace.

To me, life had always been a game,

Keep away and lay on the blame.

It’s not my fault, it wasn’t my choice.

I couldn’t talk or use my voice.

I’ve always felt anger towards the source of my pain.

The person who’s absence was my only gain.

I thought that healing would forever elude me,

And that I would never truly be free.

I struggled with forgiveness for them and myself.

I forgave their faults, my wrongly placed blame.

Even with forgiveness I still felt the same.

It didn’t matter that they weren’t around.

I felt like my feet were stuck to the ground.

I refused to let go and still hid behind my mask.

Being around people was the hardest task.

Afraid I’d crack, afraid they’d see....

A coward, a fake.... the real me.

I hid in my silence, my lies a never ending game.

I remembered my innocence and wished it were the same,

When I wasn’t concerned about the past, the present, or my future.

When I had no doubts of anything, when I was never unsure.

I’m holding on so tight, to my hatred and my fear.

They’re all I’ve ever known, they’re all that’s ever been clear.

How will I function if they’re suddenly gone?

What then will I base my mask upon?

Will it still be any good? Will it fool anymore?

If I don’t have it.... then what will people judge me for?

For who I really am? For what I’ve really done?

I sorta wanna know, and this time I’m not gonna run.

I’m tired of holding in the pain

And I’m ready... I’m ready to let it go.

  • Author: italianwoman (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: October 26th, 2019 12:15
  • Comment from author about the poem: I don't know what to write here except to say: be brave. Be you. Love yourself because you are amazing!
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 15
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Comments1

  • Goldfinch60

    Yes love your self, you are amazing, amazing to write such powerful words.
    May that love for yourself make you ever stronger and the light of your life be seen by all.

    • italianwoman

      Thank you for your comment. ☺️



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