Vulnerable

You never know

how vulnerable I make myself.

I never know,

Until I have told you my deepest

Darkest secrets and thoughts.

Then you kiss me.

I’ve been comfortable with you,

But that goes out the window

When you say,

“Never again”.

I desperately built my walls back up

Not wanting to get hurt again.

I regress,

going in search of love and satisfaction

With strangers.

You didn’t mean to,

But you just don’t want to.

And that makes it worse.

I try to convince you,

“It’s ok, it felt right.”

Listen to the words I say

Because they should change your mind.

Please, change your mind.

It’s all a façade,

I don’t cry

I don’t show fear or sadness.

Pretending I wasn’t just

Stabbed in the gut

By the guy I’ve been pining over.

I can’t help but think it’s me,

Is it all me?

Is it my fault

you don’t want to kiss me again?

Am I the reason you say,

“Never again.”?

I can think of nothing else

But that moment,

that moment you lean in

You kiss me,

Not just once, either.

I carried a shield with me.

So vulnerable,

I need extra protection

Against those who hurt me.

Yet,

You didn’t hurt me on purpose,

Does that make it worse?

Tell me,

Were you vulnerable too?