birth of a poet (No 1)

dusk arising

 

through velvet cushion
of evening dull
he stares
over flickering log

pained thoughts
no longer young
take shape
ease the darkened day

words now fail
on worthless paper
he cheats
creates a rhyme

maybe tomorrow
words will work
to release
thoughts within

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Comments +

Comments6

  • orchidee

    Oops, well is it cheating? I often rhyme, whatever genre I may write.

    • dusk arising

      Cheating himself yes because using rhyme limits the number of words available to express ones self. Clearly i am describing someone, a novice poet, who is struggling to express their innermost feelings in words on paper or screen.

    • Michael Edwards

      Great language and metre - a superb write - my first fav for several months.

      • dusk arising

        Wow i'm honoured sir, thank you.

      • ANGELA & BRIAN

        BRIAN HERE ~ Thanks for sharing DA ~ you touch on some intersting points about Poetry in your elegant Poem ! In our experience ~ when the muse moves ~ the first Draft is often the most poignant ~ adding verse of often dilutes the impact ! At School we were taught *Poetry does not have to RHYME and should not be RHYME LED !* Even though this site is called *MY POETIC SIDE* many contributions are PROSE and ours today could be construed as a LIST but many Poems are LISTS and *Modern Poetry* just has to be a Statement ~ without Rhyme or Rhythm (and often without reason !) Thanks for all your contributions & comments !

        Peace & Joy & Contentment for 2020
        Yours Brian & Angela ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’™

        • dusk arising

          I write using 'notepad' app on my laptop so there isn't a first draft for me as i edit on the fly so to speak. Rhyme or no rhyme doesn't matter to me really but as i commented to orchidee above I think rhyming limits the choice of words available to the writer... rules are archaic and they are broken or changed regularly. Communication is the most important thing in my writing. Language is a fluid thing and also changes regularly. Certainly the vocabulary and grammar i was taught long ago has been replaced in part but, clearly, communication still exists.

          • ANGELA & BRIAN

            THNAKS FOR YOUR COMMENT DA ~ There are two aspects to any poem ~ FORM ~ Structure (which can be classic or random) and FUNCTION ~ Subject what the Poem is about ~ the message it carries. Personally we consider FUNCTION is more important than FORM. We dont do NONSENSE POEMS but some members do ~ OK !

            Peace & Joy ~ Yours ANGELA & BRIAN ๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’™

            • dusk arising

              Regardless of the rules you or anyone may consider applicable to poetry i maintain that communication is the primary essence of any piece.
              Whereas some may consider certain subjects nonsense, like a that book published in 1611 which recounts tales from the middle east, others seem to regard it as being the most important thing in their life. One mans nonsense is another mans gospel.
              I dont do lists, but some people accept that lists are worthy of publishing on a poetry website. There are many things i don't do - i just do as i feel when the inspiration takes me.

            • Poetic Dan

              You are probably right on cheating but it happens most of the time. If it gets going in my mind before I hit the keyboard, it feels sublime, like lucidity until I type....

              Great stuff, as ever my friend!

              • Poetic Dan

                I also wrote that by my fire lol

                • dusk arising

                  Thats a problem we all have i think Dan because thoughts/emotions are not easily translated into the written word.

                • Goldfinch60

                  Great write d a, writing is unique to each one of us, it is possibly the only way we can express our thoughts.
                  We just need to express ourselves in the words we can find in our minds.

                  Andy

                  • dusk arising

                    Totally agree Goldfinch. Though i do wonder whether the message being received by some is the same as the message being sent in my works? It's all about either keeping it light or hoping that some will be on the same wavelength at the right time i guess.

                  • Fay Slimm.

                    A poet's poem indeed - this has to be one of your best D.A. - into my faves it goes.

                    • dusk arising

                      Thank you Fay, again I am honoured to be in your faves.



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