through velvet cushion
of evening dull
he stares
over flickering log
pained thoughts
no longer young
take shape
ease the darkened day
words now fail
on worthless paper
he cheats
creates a rhyme
maybe tomorrow
words will work
to release
thoughts within
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Author:
dusk arising (
Offline) - Published: January 6th, 2020 03:06
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 72
- Users favorite of this poem: Michael Edwards, Poetic Dan, Fay Slimm..
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Comments6
Oops, well is it cheating? I often rhyme, whatever genre I may write.
Cheating himself yes because using rhyme limits the number of words available to express ones self. Clearly i am describing someone, a novice poet, who is struggling to express their innermost feelings in words on paper or screen.
Great language and metre - a superb write - my first fav for several months.
Wow i'm honoured sir, thank you.
BRIAN HERE ~ Thanks for sharing DA ~ you touch on some intersting points about Poetry in your elegant Poem ! In our experience ~ when the muse moves ~ the first Draft is often the most poignant ~ adding verse of often dilutes the impact ! At School we were taught *Poetry does not have to RHYME and should not be RHYME LED !* Even though this site is called *MY POETIC SIDE* many contributions are PROSE and ours today could be construed as a LIST but many Poems are LISTS and *Modern Poetry* just has to be a Statement ~ without Rhyme or Rhythm (and often without reason !) Thanks for all your contributions & comments !
Peace & Joy & Contentment for 2020
Yours Brian & Angela 💙🧡💙
I write using 'notepad' app on my laptop so there isn't a first draft for me as i edit on the fly so to speak. Rhyme or no rhyme doesn't matter to me really but as i commented to orchidee above I think rhyming limits the choice of words available to the writer... rules are archaic and they are broken or changed regularly. Communication is the most important thing in my writing. Language is a fluid thing and also changes regularly. Certainly the vocabulary and grammar i was taught long ago has been replaced in part but, clearly, communication still exists.
THNAKS FOR YOUR COMMENT DA ~ There are two aspects to any poem ~ FORM ~ Structure (which can be classic or random) and FUNCTION ~ Subject what the Poem is about ~ the message it carries. Personally we consider FUNCTION is more important than FORM. We dont do NONSENSE POEMS but some members do ~ OK !
Peace & Joy ~ Yours ANGELA & BRIAN 🧡💙
1 more comment
You are probably right on cheating but it happens most of the time. If it gets going in my mind before I hit the keyboard, it feels sublime, like lucidity until I type....
Great stuff, as ever my friend!
I also wrote that by my fire lol
Thats a problem we all have i think Dan because thoughts/emotions are not easily translated into the written word.
Great write d a, writing is unique to each one of us, it is possibly the only way we can express our thoughts.
We just need to express ourselves in the words we can find in our minds.
Andy
Totally agree Goldfinch. Though i do wonder whether the message being received by some is the same as the message being sent in my works? It's all about either keeping it light or hoping that some will be on the same wavelength at the right time i guess.
A poet's poem indeed - this has to be one of your best D.A. - into my faves it goes.
Thank you Fay, again I am honoured to be in your faves.
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