It's late and again,
I write these words expecting my mindset to change
My confused, scared, indecisive, nihilistic brain.
Forgiveness seems too easy,
I don’t buy into “God” nor his son.
Seems easier to accept faith
Rather than accept guilt from millions of sins
I've done.
Of course, life isn't fair...
God can't control everything,
but it is natural to assume different, right?
Suppose my ideas are wrong and
I continue to worship as if there are no flaws...
How long would it take me
To again, become sick
Of the prejudice and intolerance
Religion permits?
--
What do I live for,
If it is not to live in the Heavens?
My existence is odd and off the rail.
So an afterlife consistent of black
Is better than all the regrets in life I'll get since
I feared hell.
I will forever doubt God
But when I commit suicide,
I’ll squeeze the trigger,
Say a short prayer,
and cry.
I don't believe in anything.
But,
I hope God forgives me.
My time could arrive any minute,
I'm not sure when.
Till’ then,
My faith will continue to fluctuate
As do my choices of writing with
Pencil or Pen.
-
Author:
Z (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: February 25th, 2020 02:36
- Comment from author about the poem: I come back to this poem often and it\\\'s a constant work in progress. What raised me versus what I truly feel, contrast each other on a daily basis. I still am confused about what I believe, I guess I can\\\'t find \\\"label\\\" yet.\r\n
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 21
Offline)
Comments3
You seem to write from the standpoint of one who has questioned christian belief, which i applaud. It is right to use your intelligence to ask such questions as christianity struggles to answer and not to accept a path of blind faith if you are uncomfortable with it.
There is much more to learn about than christianity in this world and there are many answers and theories for the enquiring mind.
Overall though, the basic ethics of christianity are wholesome and OK to live by so long as we don't fall into the trap of thinking that these churches created goodness and charity. Those are traits of humanity not religion.
Welcome to MPS where you will find many variations of accepted and leading edge poetry. Religious thought is often a subject of poetry here from both the ardent embedded followers of one church or another and those who choose a different ideal.
This site probably works at it's best if we/you read others poetry and freely leave comments upon pieces just as i am doing here. Gradually you will become familiar with some of us and our thoughts and friendships develop. I encourage you to read others work and by all means rip into any of my stuff on here.
BRIAN HERE ~ GOOD AFTERNOON AZIZA ~ Welcome to MPS which is a proactive & empathetic site. It operates ~ as DUSK ARISING has already said ~ by reading & commenting on each others Odes. Thanks for your first poem ~ which is elegantly penned in *free verse stanzas*. Its content is very philosphical & spiritual ~ written to make us think ! I will attempt to comment on some of the questions you pose. Angela (31) & I (36) are engaged & live in England (UK). We are both Scientists ~ A Physio & A lecturer in Applied Science.
We all make dozens of choices every day which affect our Philosophy of Life. I was raised in a Christian Family and saw *Faith in Action* in my Parents. I am a Christian & accept the Bible at face value. Angelka is a Catholic Christian so she has no problems with Basic Christianity ~ just more History & Ritual ! Your poem describes a Universal Problem ~ especially in the UK & USA ~ of Mankind trying to come to terms with how much we should let *GOD* into our everyday lives ! Some go the whole hog & become reclusive MYSTICS ~ others stay on the edge & become AGNOSTICS others allow GOD to be a big influence ~ through Prayer & Worsip. Others deny GOD altogether and become HUMANISTS & ATHEISTS ~ the choice is YOURS. All these folk are Members of MPS and Members of other mainstream Religions. You seem to be vacillating in the Middle ~ OK. You do fear HELL (Eternal separation from GOD) and look for an Assurance of a future in HEAVEN (Eternity in the presence of GOD) Stanzas 7 & 8.
If life is unbearable (and it is for many) SUICIDE is a way to end it. But will GOD forgive you ? We must remember that LIFE is GODs and our PARENTS gift to us ~ What we make of our is our Gift back to them ~ AMEN ! Angela & I have a very positive Faith (we are getting married in April). In the UK 50% of peple claim to be Christians but only 10% of them attend Church regularaly ! But please allow GOD to decide when Your Time is up (Stanza 10)and you will find Him more forgiving than you think ! Those who come to GOD must believe that He exists and that He is a Rewarder of those who seek HIM ~ AMEN. Thanks for stirring ou grey matter !
Blessings & Peace & Joy
Yours BRIAN & ANGELA !
Please check our site ~ Thnaks A & B !
Very good words Azusa. I have recently dismissed Christianity as my way of faith, the religious faiths seem to want to control you, when I dismissed christianty it was like a great weight had benn lifted from me. I still believe in God but in m6 way not by the ways forced upon us by others.
Welcome to MPS.
Andy
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.