all i've ever wanted

as i am leaving my childhood

all the high school classes

all the scrapped knees on the sidewalks

and friends lost over the years

i realize that growing up is all i've ever wanted

and yet, now i do not want it 

i watch my happiness leave me, 4 years ago today

i watch my friend come and go

because of personal growth

i watch my brother and sister grow up happy

she will be in high school next year

him in middle school

and they are happy with those changes

and that's all i ever wanted 

i watch as my mom graduates from college

as my step dad goes back to college

as everyone around me is applying to college

and i am just here

with no idea as to what i am going to do with my life

i just want to belong

it's all i ever wanted 

i wanted to be a cheerleader

i wanted to be an all AP student

i wanted to be that effortlessly good student

i wanted people to be proud of me

but all i ever wanted

was to be proud of myself

i sit here tonight

and think of 

all i've ever wanted