I should wear a permanent label

tattooed either on my back

or maybe across my lower belly

‘best before 1978’

with an expiration date:

‘useless after 2028’

a list of ingredients:

‘independent, yet social, loving,

dependable, intelligent and caring’

and notes on best performance:

‘functions best with sweets and

one bottle of red wine per day’

throw in some certifications:

‘certified lunatic’

with a warning about the risks:

‘has tendency to explode

if not handled properly’

lastly, do not forget the disposal notes:

‘when expired, do NOT discard

with trash, incinerate.’


  • Michael Edwards

    Love this one Fred - original yet instantly recognisable.

  • dusk arising

    You forget the bit "Explodes if neglected" and "if seen dejected, may respond well to alcohol"
    WARNING "Not to be unwrapped in company"

    Good fun writing mate.

  • Fay Slimm.

    Ha ha - big grins after reading what would go down well in the tattoo market with some folk I know - - as for me the following phrase would be in bold letters - i.e. has tendency to explode if not handled properly’ - ha - -- - great read Fred.

  • Kurt Philip Behm

    Very creative, Fred. ENJOYED !

  • Goldfinch60

    Good fun write Fred, I agree.


  • orchidee

    Oh lol, good write Fred.
    I had a label, or rather someone pinned to my back, when I started singing. it said 'Out of order!' Doh!

  • 🐤s.zaynab.kamoonpuri🌷😸

    Woah cool clever poem , it's nice to give off warning labels, I think we all should come with one. Great idea! Kudos!
    I wouldn't want to be incinerated though, sounds too painful and vanishing ESP for the loved ones to see you disappear like that, I couldn't bear to see a dead body burnt even if it may not feel the pain itself.

    Plz Pleez do read and comment my newest poem too.

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