JD

He is the monster under my bed

Only my mattress is on the floor

So the monster resides in my head

Programmed into my memory

A face I will never forget

A touch I wish I never felt

A man I wasn’t strong enough to push away

I see his crystal blue eyes

A desire inside them that I did not understand

A desire inside them that I still do not understand

I could not speak

A moment frozen in time

Except it was only me that froze

An unwanted kiss with a tongue so sharp it cut-open my lips

GET OFF OF ME

But the words do not leave my mouth

His tongue is blocking their exit

A hand is not just a hand when it is placed where it does not belong

It has become a weapon for forced entry

Fingers that felt like knives inside of me

Shredding and tearing away at me

He said come with me

My voice wont work so I shake my head

I don’t want to go with him

I will not go with him

I throw all my weight backwards

It does not faze him

Hell hath no fury like a man who knows what he wants

Whether or not he is wanted back

I am saved but not by his grace

I am saved by his fear of what hes already done

By the blonde girl walking into the room

By the terrified look on her face as she stares at the two of us

He mumbles and retreats, taking part of my soul with him

He seems so small now

Not the ferocious beast he was

My body doesn’t feel like it is mine anymore

It is now damaged

He stole from me what I did not want to give

He stole from me what I cannot get back

I don’t feel whole

I will never feel, whole