Doggerel Dave

"Oh no - not your operation!"

Now why don’t you want to hear about my operation-     

Fearing perhaps it might be just too much information?  

Except being prostrate with a prostate is hardly new,     

And anyway if you’re a woman it won’t worry you.  

 

Pre admission the previous fortnight – okay to go -    

The seven am admission  -  I wanted to say no.    

It began with much paperwork for which I didn’t care;    

I managed to stay patient though the real job was not there.  

 

But it wasn’t long before formalities were complete;    

Trolleyed to the anteroom to await the next big treat -    

Probably not the anteroom, I don’t know what it’s called, 

Although vital stuff goes on there including being cooled.  

 

A cannula in my arm and vital obs meant action;  

Staff were very chatty and provided a distraction.         

So time passed very quickly as the team made me ready; 

Spinal and light anesthetic would help keep me steady.  

 

The anesthetist primed me for a needle in my spine;       

His wipe froze half a warm back that I just wished wasn’t mine. 

At once the shock right through my body forced an expletive -                            

It was of course the surprise and in no sense aggressive.                             

 

If cryonics was involved I’d had enough of this lark,  

However the actual needle was a walk in the park;  

But what I next experienced gave me no cause to laugh -   

A loss of sensation had suffused my whole lower half.  

 

I was wheeled into theatre but nothing happened there; 

Then two seconds later I suddenly became aware  

Of “all over” and a tube stuck up I won’t mention where, 

Even if you are broadminded I’m still not going there.   

 

Sutherland Hospital turned out to be such a great place   

Where the nursing staff treated me with sympathy and grace.  

Much fluid was dripped through the tube and finally drained out;   

Plus there’s more detail yet which you can again do without. 

 

A review after four days meant discharge was the outcome;  

I’m not sure I was ready but sleep was very welcome.      

The healing properties of slumber are of course well known,  

But there’s no chance in hospital  – at last I was alone.   

 

Anyway it all settled down with the fullness of time  

And given the specialist’s all clear I’m back in my prime;   

Expertly renovated and almost as good as new     

With a great old life to lead and of course some travel too.   

  • Author: Doggerel Dave (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: October 19th, 2020 19:42
  • Comment from author about the poem: The Op's called a TURP - Dr Google may provide more info. And guys/fellas: it's survivable really!
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views:
  • User favorite of this poem: Teddy.15.

Comments5

  • BlueHeron77

    This made me wince! Lol Great job tackling an uncomfortable topic. Cheers!

    • Doggerel Dave

      Thanks Blue H - I actually get bored witless and begin to loose the will to live when I find myself forced to listen to some other oldie recount in excruciating detail the mind sapping story of their latest medical procedure. So while to some extent vengeance is mine here, I remember how fearful i was of this one and decided to throw some small amount of light there. Topic now closed - promise!
      Regards Dave

      • BlueHeron77

        That's funny, Dave. Maybe one day I'll write something down in regards to my fear of the dreaded Vasectomy! Lol And then again, maybe I'll spare the world... TMI, right?!

      • jarcher54

        Just the right amounts of light and heavy. Doggerel do!

      • Goldfinch60

        Glad all worked out well Dave, I have great respect for those who work in hospitals, whenever I or my wife have had to be there they have always been so good.

        Andy

      • orchidee

        Some say 'Oohh, tell me more. Gimme a blow-by-blow account! Some masochists?! lol.

      • Teddy.15

        Well now, all jokes aside, this is bloody wonderful. You know the prostate gives trouble to 1 in 3 men I believe and it's so important to have checks, I'm going to say I am well impressed Mr Dave you even manage to even get some humor in here. I bow. It's one of those poems that should be posted in. Journal for men's wellness. Ps not so long ago I had a tumour removed from of all places my eyelid I had.six stitches and I posted it on Instagram for all my friends to see. LoL then I thought oh no and took it down. But not to go on it's good to share this stuff because we can sometimes relate

        • Doggerel Dave

          Thanks Teddy - I didn’t realize you were ferreting around in my back catalogue or I would have given you a warning!
          As I’ve already mentioned, other folks wittering on about their latest medical procedure at great length give me the well and trulys. However I felt a little basic (participant) observational detail wouldn’t go amiss here.
          But you can be absolutely sure that there is no way, any way that even the slightest detail would have appeared on instagram….!!!!
          Thanks once more for taking this out for an airing.

          • Teddy.15

            Back catalogue... Brilliant LOL you really brighten my day Dave.



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