dusk arising

the rain



the rain pelted horizontally against his face
running down his neck
he wanted hailstones, always wanted hailstones
or those rare nights when a blizzard
blew in from the west and the night lit up
though he could never see far through snow
it gave him the numbness of feigned blindness.
This was all he could do to forget the track
but wishful though he was, there was no forgetting.
He was always running. A free man now but....
freedom was a physical thing.....
...... there was no freedom in his mind.
The rain would wash over him and if he stood long enough


  • Goldfinch60

    ...and if he stood long enough....?
    Intriguing words d a.


    • dusk arising

      This kind of writing is really for the reader, who is after all another creative poet, to create, or not, an ending. Each can construct a mood from within my words and their own life's experience to compose a closure.

    • orchidee

      Good write dusk.

    • The Uneducated O.A.P

      No,no,no, this is not fair, ya can't leave us hanging, is there a part 2?
      Is he running from love? Why is he standing, Why didn't he take a brolly? You'r just a tease dusk. I'm going for a lie down and have another read later, lol

      • Doggerel Dave

        I'm in part with Bill here, Dusk.
        'and if he stood long enough' - what? His sorrow would slowly dissolve and he'd be free? He'd catch pneumonia and cark it? A lovely woman with a big umbrella was passing and offered him a share...?
        It's like the manuscript was torn off just there. Please restore it. No proposal that I should find my own ending, thanks.


        • dusk arising

          This piece ends within the drama of your own minds perception...... the poetry continues written on sheets of your own imagination...... that's what makes you a poet.

        • 2 more comments

        • Poetic Dan

          O the irony or what ever! The rain is coming down, I so hope it stops her crying and let me get a few more hours in!
          If not then like a soldier I'll start with the water to do last nights washing up lol

        • Michael Edwards

          Raining cats and dogs - mind you don't step in a poodle.

        • Neville

          a delightfully atmospheric example of classic prose ... a tale told terribly well and leaving the reader both wanting more but also strangely satisfied ...

          ... Neville

        • RDS

          Ah, the bitter sting of memories, dark moods and regrets. Thanks dusk, atmospheric and brooding with the added tension and drama of the unspoken. Great one.

        • Robert Haigh

          A poignant poem, with an open ending. Some people walk about freely, yet they are prisoners inside their own minds.

        • Fatlass

          I can really empathise with the sentiment. Really like this piece

        • Maxine Smith

          Nothing can imprison you more than being caged in by your own mind.

          Freedom is escaping yourself ....

          Love this, your open ending leaves you wanting more!!

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