Merissa

Unwanted Feelings

I thought it was over

And I wouldn't feel like this

But nothing ever changes

So why expect bliss

When I knew

 

I was told that it's normal

To like those I shouldn't

But maybe there's a reason

It was something I couldn't

Ever do

 

Not by choice. Not by morals.

Not by anything right.

So what is my problem

I'm tired of this stupid fight

I ensue

 

Tell me how to fix this

Tell me what I need

Tell me it gets better

Tell me how to feed

This clue

 

I'm ready to be. I'm ready to see. 

I'm ready to find the truth.

Just help me get out

And enjoy the youth 

I view

 

I'm done with this crap

Or at least I want to be

But changing is hard

When all I want to see

Is you

 

I guess just forget it

And put it behind

It's apart of me now 

Stuck in the mind I

grew

Comments6

  • heatherbee

    A good read we can all be attracted to maybe what we shouldn't the heart and chemistry a weird thing.

  • Olivia.

    Completely relatable I felt your words... x

  • Doggerel Dave

    Depends what we are talking about here. There’s nothing wrong with variety in one’s friends and acquaintances – in fact it’s good. However deep and meaningful relationships between people with wide age disparity (particularly older male – younger female) are problematic as the power element for you as a very young woman is not in your favour. It’s for you through a mix of work on yourself and time to resolve this.
    Thanks though for presenting your conundrum in an attractive piece of poetry.

    • Merissa

      Well I'm not 17 as my profile said. I just changed it. I'm 19 now just so you know and the poem was referring to an attraction I have to one of my professors.

      • Doggerel Dave

        Ah ha - AFTER posting I had a thought and circled through a little of your back catalogue. Didn't take long to discover that my parentheses above were redundant in your case. Sorry. However I stand by the rest, which I consider remains applicable.

      • 3 more comments

      • FredPeyer

        Very well written, Merissa. The heart is a strange thing and honestly, we don't have much control over it. It becomes a problem when the heart says one thing and the mind says something else. C'est la vie! No matter how hard it is sometimes, we have to learn to accept these 'problems', try to grow and move on. One day you will find the person where the heart and the mind are united.

      • Goldfinch60

        Good words Merissa, we can get attracted to all types of people but a true friend can be any age or any sex as they will always treat you with respect.

        Andy

      • L. B. Mek

        firstly I found this an engaging read, you unfurled your problem while demonstrating an ability for grasping a more rounded perception of your point of view, that's a really unique gift in-of-itself, I think..
        my two cents worth of response, is to simply state that in most situations we are attracted to aspects and elements within other's that: we ourselves covet
        ergo, in situations where we look for 'older' people's validation (admittedly a somewhat barren distillation of attraction), we are usually looking for the answers they seem to have cultivated (wisdom, gravitas, a sense of self-worth or independence etc)..
        so maybe, if we utilise our attraction to narrow down on what aspects we want to cultivate within ourselves, we need not find it so toxic..
        just a thought, (forgive me if you think I'm being rude or patronising, I mean no disrespect)

        • Merissa

          You're not and you're right. Thanks for the advice. 🙂



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