Mad Dark Humour

orchidee



...Or 'humor,' if you prefer

But not to be side-tracked by extra 'u's!

Woof! Mark it 18+ says Fido

Or he'll bite me

He's not beyond biting his master.

 

Oohh, I dunno - suicide?

It's very bad for your health, you know

I tried it - but me knife was blunt

Oohh, and it' ll hurt too much. Doh!

 

I lay on a railway track

Waiting for a train to run over me

But there were leaves on the line

The train ran on another track. Doh!

 

I tried getting run over by a No.7 bus

I stood there for hours

But they had changed the route. Doh!

 

I tried an overdose

Some pills looked like Smarties

I took the whole lot

But - they were Smarties. Doh!

 

I jumped over a cliff once

But it was the town's annual Fair

They had put out a bouncy castle

I landed safe on top of it. Doh!

 

I tried holding my breath for 24 hours

To rid myself of me

Cos I thought - the planet needs to save air

I survived (eh? - well, I'm half human, half guinea pig)

But didn't feel very well afterwards. Doh!

 

I was gonna electrocute myself

But whatta ya know?

There was a power cut. Doh!

 

I played Russian Roulette

It finished off a mate of mine

But I got a blank chamber of course. Doh!

 

Oh well, I'll have to live and survive

Live to sing another day

In this padded cell

So no one will hear me

That'll torture ya

Like a living death! heehee

 

OK - I'll stay

I knows ya wants me to! lol.

 

  • Author: orchidee (Offline Offline)
  • Published: February 26th, 2021 03:07
  • Comment from author about the poem: Some dark nuttiness and some Fidos!
  • Category: Humor
  • Views: 50
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Comments6

  • Goldfinch60

    You can stay as long as you like
    even come here riding your trike
    but keep your mouth closed
    or you will be hosed
    floating down the street as you hike.

    • orchidee

      Thanks Gold. lol.

    • Doggerel Dave

      I find this one of the most tasteless entries I've ever encountered, here or anywhere, orch.
      And i'm a strong advocate for voluntary euthanasia.
      Anyway, glad youare still here; now back to the hymns where you can do no damage (I hope) 🙂

      • orchidee

        Oohh, but we've all moments of madness! It's not rhyming I know. One said (dunno who): 'There's more mad folk outside the loony bins, that there are inside!' Maybe I said it originally? lol.

        • Doggerel Dave

          I don\'t care who said it (re maddies) but they are right. However that is no excuse. Straighten up and fly right otherwise I'll have a word with someone I know over there still in the business and have you locked away for good. (just a minor social control measure............)
          I'm off to bed., so no more argument tonight....

        • dusk arising

          Don't put your son on the stage Mrs Worthington.

          • orchidee

            Thanks dusk. lol.

          • Jerry Reynolds

            A good laugh over coffee, Orchi.

            • orchidee

              Thanks Jerry. lol.

            • FredPeyer

              You should have tried drowning yourself, but you probably would have popped up again like a cork.

              • orchidee

                Thanks Fred. Yes lol.

              • AuburnScribbler

                I like these dark ditties orchidee, you've got to find the light in dark for sure, especially in these times.

                By the way my gun jammed the other day, it was strawberry flavoured! Haha! (Hope that is good enough!)

                Anyway, bravo, and I hope that all is well!

                • orchidee

                  Thanks Auburn. Yes lol. Or one of those spud guns you had at school? Firing potato pellets at each other. lol.



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