starrbaby91

Living Inside

I live inside my own head most days
trying to escape, tried so many different ways
yet still, minute by minute, day by day
stuck in my anxieties
have thoughts yet nothing to say

always worried not to upset or say something wrong
always uncomfortable, not one tamed thought
the edge is always near, always on guard
knowing normality is too far

watching the laughter and fun but never truly involved
as soon as I start its like my mind hits a wall
all negatives come flooding through taking my air flow
in and out my anxieties grow
what are they thinking? what do they know?
Am i fitting in? trying to be me, does anyone know?

some days I think I am changing, getting better
being louder, more thoughts being said
Just one person, one thing, can bring me right back
its like I was seeing then lost the track
like I was running, now I am just in place
I was winning, then slowed down
lost the race

the light at the end of the tunnel was so bright
everything was feeling good, I was feeling right
then the clouds cover me, swallow me inside
that rain you feel, tears to all my cries
crying out for someone, something to save me from all these edges
loud in my head yet quiet to the ears of all present
done with all the inner tension

to share my mind would be a curse
where I see, dangers lurk
even in the brightest light I look for the darkest part
waiting for the demons to spark
like a fire that can never be undone
how can you control something if you've never seen the sun

the whispers in my ear, "its all to stay safe"
please tell me this is not my ultimate fate

Comments4

  • Accidental Poet

    Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't let your anxieties have control over you. You wrote this very expressive poem with your own thoughts, so you can push your anxieties out of the way and show them you're the boss. Great write starrbaby ; ) AP

  • dusk arising

    "I live inside my own head most days". Maybe the other days are the ones which you should be concerned about.

  • myself and me

    No, this is absolutely not your ultimate fate. You describe the state of being anxiety in such an accurate and profound way. Well done.

  • Goldfinch60

    Your fate is not sealed, you are a unique person as we all are and in my life I have a philosophy which I have always lived by -

    "This is me if you do not like what you see it is your problem, not mine."

    That light is there for you, go and look for the lightest part.

    Andy



To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.