Final goodbyes

Death is inevitable, yet so unexpected 

It grips you by the heart, swallowing you into a vacuum of numbness 

The fact that you didn't see it coming leaves you in a state of confusion

Disbelief at first because I just spoke to you a few hours and you were at your happiest 

Is that what they mean when they say " I want to die happy"

This phrase I believe is a metaphor of what the deceased actually mean 

They want you to remain with the memory of them smiling back at you

Taking their final breath knowing that at least they showed their loved ones just one more time, how they felt

But that memory fades quickly, the minute they hear, you are no more 

We begin to question everything, like why now 

Especially if the deceased was my lover who I had planned my whole life with

A future that laid ahead of us never to be fulfilled 

As I stare at your body, without any movement, I feel my life also pause

How is it possible that someone who was so full of life a day ago is gone 

I slowly remove the cloth that is covering your body and all I yearn for is your eyes to smile at me 

But they are closed shut 

Your skin is so pale like a few weeks ago when you managed to convince me to take a walk in the winter cold night 

If only I had known then I wouldn't have started the fight, if only I had known then

I would have held your hand tighter, hugged just for a  few minutes longer 

If only I had known then I would have stopped the hands of time just to spend another day with you 

Now I have to prepare for your farewell which seems so surreal 

I stare at our pictures and I smile 

We made each happy 

And as I say my last goodbyes I hope that you will rest easy my love