Tall tales:
Old Albert, he stood in the bar room
Recounting on last night’s event
“I was making my way home down the dark backstreets. Out Into the twilight I went.”
“I walked up the street into the darkness,
I was less than fifty yards from the pub
When six blokes appeared from the shadows.“
It was me that they intended to mug.”
“ These villains were armed to the teeth
And built like a brick garden shed
But my combat training came back to me.
The mist that I saw crimson red !”
“They ‘d picked on the wrong bloke that evening,
and justice was going to be done.”
“Because, I’d left the army with a black belt in origami,”
They each had a knife and a gun."
“A Police car was passing the conflict.
And two coppers with truncheons drew near.
But eight men lay on the ground unconscious.
When the red mist started to clear.".
“ The skills that I learned in the jungle.”
“ Came back like an old memory.”
The times that I had trained with the Gurkhas.
In camouflage that looked like a tree."
But there was a flaw in“ Albert’s” story.
And some of the facts were unsound.
Two Policemen attended the incident
And Albert was put to the ground.
Old Albert he’d had a few whiskeys
And when the cops passed him by in their van
He shouted a few words in Anglo Saxon.
And told them he was Jackie Chan.
The skills he had amassed whilst in the army.
Baking cakes or making meat pies.
Coz army chefs don’t do unarmed combat.
And Albert was telling us lies.
Albert wore his best suit to the courtroom.
As the judge told him the error of his ways.
He sentenced him to work in a kitchen .
In prison for thirty five days.
-
Author:
Chris Duffy (
Offline) - Published: October 5th, 2021 10:31
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 16
Offline)
Comments2
Taller than that - needed oxygen by the time I reached the end.
Thanks Chris
Thanks Dave.
It was a tad intense !
Wonderful fun read Chris.
Many years ago there was a report that an elderly man was at a bus stop and was attacked by two men, they came off second best as he was a man who taught the SAS unarmed combat!
Thank you. Like most of my ramblings this was loosely based on a true event.
I overheard this chap in a pub of course, telling his friends that he and a friend were jumped by six assailants.
What made me laugh first of all was that the fella said that he had trained with the " JERKERS !"
So he talks about the red mist and in the fight he'd accidentally injured his friend - Coz the red mist cleared.
So, he carried his injured friend to the local hospital ....... and when he was leaving a doctor said " You're staying with us big guy because you 've got a piece of 4x2 timber sticking out of the back of your head attached by a six inch nail !"
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