Eating

i’ve always wondered why people body shame others

why do i need to live up to what you think i should look like

most people don’t even fit into the image you set for everyone else

somewhere in childhood i grew habits that were unhealthy

turning to food for confort and also not eating when i was sad

i fluctuate in weight as my feelings change

when i’m happy i get fuller when i’m sad you can barely see me

i fade away into nothing because thats what people want me to be so as i grow more depressed people tell me how amazing my body looks

and for a while i start to think the same so i keep not eating i keep hurting my health to look “good”

my mind is in flames 

my stomach burning because i havent ate in 2 days

as i write this i feel the need to say i am my biggest critic

i tell myself how bad i look and also find myself saying how amazing i am constantly 

what’s sad is that i speak out to people i love telling them how i feel about myself in the hope that they can put my demons at bay for at least the day

i put my trust into them

i put my love for myself into their actions and words

it hurts when they forget how sensitive i am

i understand why they forget

not everyone has gone through the same trials to love their body

they have been “skinny” all their lives 

my stomach grumbles and I take a pill to sleep hoping that i can get through another day without eating

people tell me well if you don’t like your body workout

WORK FOR IT

when i can barely get out of bed in the morning and when i do its because i have to work

to pay for my life that i’m unhappy about because i feel uncomfortable in my own body 

no one gets mental illness unless they have gone through the same or have educated themselves of it

i expect too much

so with that i sign off wishing you all the best

be careful how much you open up 

it can hurt when people tell you

”what’s best for you”

because

“they are your friend”

or

“they care about you”

why did you need to say that why?