Mums Advice

Paul Bell

It's lovely outside, I think I’ll go knickerless today.
You don’t want to do that, you might get knocked down by a bus.
Why would that make any difference.
You always have to wear clean underwear when getting knocked down by a bus.
Do you make these things up?
Did your mum never tell you, you always have to wear clean underwear when leaving the house, just incase you get knocked down by a steamroller or such.
My mum said a lot of things, luckily for me, I grew up, unlike some people I may add.
Hardly my fault, my mum has to come round and cook for me.
Cook, she cuts your sausages, you’re a child.
Sure, she’d cut your carrots if you asked her.
Think I’ll wear pants now, you’re driving me nuts.
You’re not wearing white, are you.
Why, does mummy not allow white.
I’m more thinking of the guys in the office.
What, what's it got to do with them.
It’s got a lot, you don’t want the guys glimpsing boring white, put black on.
The guys in my office are too busy to be perving at my underwear.
Guys are never too busy, it's our job in life to check the girls out.
My last boyfriend was never like this.
That’s because your last boyfriend usually wore your knickers.
He just liked the feel of women's underwear.
How is his hormone treatment coming along, is he wearing your bra yet.
Get knotted, mummy’s boy.
Talking about mummy’s, I’m taking yours running tonight. Hope she’s wearing the skimpy shorts.
That’s another thing, you told my mum she shouldn’t wear pants under her shorts, why would that be.
Might be something to do with the leg massage I give her after our run.
You are sick.
Your mum’s a cougar. Actually, just thinking about her is getting me hot, fancy a quickie.
Get stuffed, just get me to work without mentioning my mum, underwear, or any other perversions in your sick brain.
Do my best, white pants.
I’ll get you in the car, need to get something.
Nice legs lover, did I glimpse black panties there.
Well, you said it, we need to keep the guys happy, any luck one of them will ask me out.
Well, if they do, tell them you’re not available this weekend.
And why would that be.
Cos I’m taking you to Paris.
Maybe I don’t want to go to Paris.
Oh you will, five-star hotel, tickets to see that weird female singer you love.
Okay, I’ll need a new outfit, possibly a few outfits. Will I need sexy underwear.
Strangely enough no. Me and your mum bought you some.

  • Author: Paul Bell (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: March 1st, 2022 05:53
  • Category: Humor
  • Views: 26
  • Users favorite of this poem: L. B. Mek
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Comments +

Comments4

  • L. B. Mek

    it took me a few minutes, to breathe again
    after reading that first line
    what a contrast to your Title, I'll admit
    you got me good! dear Poet
    thanks for sharing..
    what genius and kindness to gift smiles and chuckles
    in this testing times, hope you never change
    my kind friend

    • Paul Bell

      You need a laugh in these trying times.

    • Rocky Lagou

      Lovely and witty! A journey through time and a laugh. All that I wanted! Thanks! Follow Mums Advice! πŸ˜…πŸ’–

      • Paul Bell

        Mummy knows best.

      • Rozina

        Yes Paul it’s all true! So funny!

        • Paul Bell

          That's why women wrap men around their finger. lol

        • Michael Edwards

          Gosh - I'd better go get some white Knickers - not that there are many buses in the country where i live. loved the write.

          • Paul Bell

            Oh, Michael, you just know a convoy of buses are on the way now.



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