I live in a world
Always wanting, always thirsting, always searching
For an item I don't know exists
Or is it an emotion? A place? A person?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
Will I find it in that creature's soul?
Or will it be hidden in the depths of someone's heart?
This sickness, this longing,
For something unattainable,
Something just out of reach
A feather falling, a soft wind blowing,
A shadow slipping, a sea's gentle waves pulling
Making me long to be above,
Making me long to be below
The pictures, the memories,
All swirling together to make the perfect home
An illusion, a hallucination, a mind's cruel tricks
Homesick for something unreal, unreachable, and unattainable
Homesick for something I cannot find on my own
Help me, save me
I don't know which
Am I to be the earth or the sky?
Grounded, safe, connected to all
Free, and wild, unseeable to all
Maybe both. Always both
A void, that's what it is
A monster of my own making
Come, see the dark side of the moon
Forevermore there, nevermore seen
Tangible or intangible?
Decide, if you please
Cruelty and mockery
I've made my peace
Contradictions seen and more unknown
Save me from the unknown toll
Always watching, always wanting
Loyalty comes first, personal comes last
Empty, numb
Only sometimes now
Hated, feared
Only a warning now
Family, friends
One is real, the other nonexistent
I care, I don't care
I am happy, I am angered
I am individual, I am lone
I am free
Grow wings. Fly
One day, I will
Love is unconditional
It is not, it is not, it is not
Family is unconditional
Loyalty
Where do I stand?
On the battlefield, it whispers, you belong on the battlefield
Rage
Easy to rise, a fight to control
Hate - always
Guilt - always
Stress - always
Save me, bathe me
Queen of all sins
Liar, cheater, bully, two-faced
Multifaceted
Longing, hating,
I am but life and death
Hidden from the world,
Seen by the world
I give you lies
Dark and darker still
Angel face, devil mind
Half, actually
A fight, only sometimes
Where is my home?
Death, peace, love, life?
I have been searching,
Always searching
Always alone
I don't want to be alone
Help me find my home
-
Author:
M. Evermore (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: April 25th, 2022 12:01
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 24
- Users favorite of this poem: Rocky Lagou
Offline)
Comments2
And this right here... is quite the entrance to MPS my dear. I literally adore your words, it eptimomizes the human mind and the intracies intertwined. All those nuances of "being" and "not being" and love and all the complicatedness of life is very finely summed up in this glory. That line, "Homesick for something unreal, unreachable, and unattainable" rings so true. I feel many times we're searching for an intangible bliss that just isn't real. Your repition in the line, "It is not, it is not, it is not" also really ties in that "overwhelmed" tone that you're conveying. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your comment! I've never published one of my poems, let alone allow anyone to read one, so it's nice to know that it was appreciated.
This poem addresses something that I've struggled with for many years of my life. Since I was young, I lived while asking myself if I deserved what I received. If something good happened, if something bad happened. Do I deserve to be happy? Do I deserve to suffer by intentionally or unintentionally hurting someone else? In the middle of the beginning of this quandary, I saw an anime once that said "There's something in this world that we can't prove exists. Many people want it, but very few ever find it. The reason why it's so difficult to find is because the thing you want the most is the thing you will never have". It took many more years to understand what it meant. Love, life, guilt, death; happiness, despair, loneliness, belonging, salvation. I placed my beliefs in other people and let their satisfaction and happiness carry my own, but soon learned that wasn't a good way to live. Long story short, you've gone out of your way to question many things that people fear. You've looked inside the "Self" and came back out with new knowledge and understanding. It's impressive to see. I agree with Rocky about this being one hell of an introduction. All the best,
Welcome to MPS.
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