Eyes as blank as a slate,
With a hunger to satiate –
I go to garden’s gate –
With vines delicately interlaced.
A strawberry lane awaits,
I pick them into my crate –
A bubbling body with taste,
With a fluid rich - it pulsates.
Hands wash each ruby sedate –
Leaves set to decapitate,
A slice, a dice, a blade.
A corpse upon your plate.
-
Author:
Rocky Lagou (
Offline) - Published: April 28th, 2022 09:52
- Comment from author about the poem: This is NOT about strawberry picking. This is a dive into the minds of morbid people who commit grisly crimes, told via metaphor. This is persona poetry. 🍓🍓🍓
- Category: Sad
- Views: 60
- Users favorite of this poem: spilleronsheet, arqios
Offline)
Comments10
I like your metaphorical representation of desire well painted by veins delicately interlaced followed by strawberry acquisition well captured in 'it pulsates' and then destruction, corpse.... I think I saw a societal evil being penned here...a woman being mistreated...A worthy poetry. A must read...
Oh dear poet, to see you've truly taken the time to dig into this piece means so much. You literally hit it on the bullseye with each interpretation. Those "vines" are those metaphorical veins that is later supported with the "pulsating" line. Then it all comes down to that one word you mention, "destruction." The victim could well be a woman which would give this poem another underlying message, the women's rights movement. Hinted at the fact that femininity is socially represented as something soft and small and beautiful like a simple strawberry. Thanks abundantly for your keen review and dissection of the poem. Have a great day!
My pleasure. Thanks for an indepth discussion. This makes your poem even more beautiful.
A good write Rocky.
Thanks a bunch Orchi! This one is a slightly more deep one from me today. I don't usually touch on sensitive subjects but I felt to lighten it up a bit with an innocent metaphor. Standing in stark contrast to the real message though, a literal murder.
I'll never fully grasp how someone could have such ill will in their hearts to do such evil acts. Nonetheless thanks for the comment, it really means a lot, have a wonderful day!
I can't get into the mindset of those criminals who do such terrible things and theyre done in cold blood so to speak... beyond my comprehension.
Juicy and squirmy your writing today. Definitely provokative and great choice of an opposing metaphor something so loved for somethimg so grisly.
Exactly on the mark Dusk! That stark contrast between metaphor and meaning stand like black and white in this piece. I did so intentionally as well. I wanted this poem to seem like a soft and light-hearted one from the surface, but as one journeys further the truth is quickly revealed, "a corpse upon your plate." I, too, will never fully understand how one could have such bitter malice to go through with such acts as well. However, thanks for taking the time to read between the lines and to leave such a precise comment, "juicy and squirmy," I couldn't have said it better myself. Have a great day Dusk!
remarkably unexpected content but very much enjoyed nevertheless ... strawberry fiends for ever ... Neville 🙂
Hiya Neville! Thanks a bunch for the visit. I was hoping to catch the reader off guard by presenting this poem as welcoming and innocent, then give them a shocker with the final line. In actuality, I dropped subtle hints to the unexpected ending throughout the poem. In the beginning I mention a "hunger to satiate," this of course could've been interpretted as actual hunger, or a desire that's more ominous, like a desire to kill. Then I describe the "strawberries" as "A bubbling body with taste, / With a fluid rich - it pulsates." also hinting at the strawberry being more than just that, but an actual living being. Hope you caught onto those little insinuations. Thanks again for the comment, and have a lovely day!
each tasty insinuation savoured 🙂
Who can comprehend the mind of an aberration? Your comparison of a gustatory sensation to a bloodlust sensation, triggering the same response of satisfaction, is so powerful, and frightening. Great write!
Many thanks dear Bella! The minds of the ones who desire other's death is truly one that'll never be grasped. It's often caused by traumas or psychological disorders but even then, it's hard to fully wrap one's head around. Thanks a bunch though for the dissection of this piece, I was hoping to give the reader a surprise towards the end. Your comments are always welcome, much love and have a wonderful day!
I read mostly crime novels and thrillers. Reading about a serial killer at the moment! I found the contrast between the metaphor and the meaning very interesting.
Thanks so much Rozina! I, too, am fascinated by criminal shows and books. I find the whole forensic science scene so cool. I'm glad to see you enjoyed the metaphor, I wanted to create that stark contrast between metaphor and meaning to catch the reader off guard, so to see your grasped that is really nice. Have a great day!
Good intriguing words Rocky.
Andy
Thanks kindly Andy! I hope I caught your attention with the underlying meaning and the metaphor. Always my pleasure to tell a story through words and analogy. Have a good one!
I am bewildered by your witty ways dear Rocky….so clever dear friend…strawberries are my favourite but the way you linked it…I am truly amazed…..maybe now strawberries can have so many underlining meanings…the insane and killer intent….
Oh thanks so much Spiller! I'm glad you enjoyed the strawberry metaphor. When I began writing this I really did intend for it to simply be another fun and lighthearted poem but when I wrote the lines "A bubbling body with taste, / With a fluid rich - it pulsates," to describe the strawberries I had realized just how much that sounds like an actual living person. So then the idea popped into my mind to make this whole strawberry picking thing a metaphor to describe something much more sinister. It goes to show how the little things can gain a whole new meaning when metaphorized. Thanks again for the care to read and comment, have a lovely day!
This was amazing. I loved the metaphor. Such a stark difference between such an innocent act and the dark one. I really enjoyed reading this.
Hi M. Evermore! Thanks so much for the review, and for noting that stark contrast between message and metaphor. When I realized what message I wanted to get across, I noticed that it was pretty dark. But in order to make it less dark I went for an innocent metaphor, strawberry picking. It's all interwoven to seemingly look nice and harmless, but the further you venture the more layers are revealed. I'm really glad you liked it! Have a great day!
Oh my, the sudden but subtle twist: "a corpse upon your plate..." is quite much to contemplate!
Hehe! Yep, it truly serves as a shocker, or at least I hope it had that effect. This was written with the intent of it being seemingly innocent and casual, but as the reader delves further they discover hidden meanings. It all orbits that idea of evil people with evil schemes, truly something unfathomable for me, but I wanted to express it via metaphor. Truly hope you enjoyed and thanks so much for the love! Have a wonderful day!
The thing about evil is that it doesn't have to be fathomable to be real and dangerous... prowling like a lion, ready to pounce, to kill, steal, and destroy. This has been much enjoyed, specially with the metaphor firmly in place.
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