Not absent - still here!
Keep Calm and Carry On Poeming. 😂
Needed a roof after all my labours,
The rent was low, I felt it worth the cost.
There had been many tenants the neighbours
told me, but nothing further - a line crossed.
It was mobile – sometimes here, sometimes there;
(Drove me nuts – although this I won’t admit)
Almost as if it introduced a dare:
“Go on, find me – you’re just not up to it”!
A supernatural presence I nearly thought;
Did poltergeists come in a smelly form?
Woah – such speculations will come to naught -
There’s no way I will keep such nonsense warm.
An odour – smelt like (sorry!) rancid farts.
An olfactory hallucination?
But visitors smelt it too, bless their hearts -
Enlisted their help in its location
quite early in order to demonstrate
it wasn’t me, I had to make that clear;
But chances of ‘romance’ were not great
when suddenly that fragrance would appear…..
More an elusive stench I could not pin
became an obsession yet what could I do?
It was a rental property I was in –
Admit defeat and beat a retreat - phew!
-
Author:
Doggerel Dave (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: September 30th, 2022 02:06
- Comment from author about the poem: The core theme is true – however the location and circumstances have been altered in order to protect property values…….. 😊😂😊🙃 No attribution to the Baroness for her contribution to my title: “Property is theft” and I’m taking back just a smidgin of hers…..
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 45
Offline)
Comments9
Oh, reminds me of that dead possum that once stunk the whole place about 5 houses around. Somehow it can be that way to with human relations, a barometer of pressure or lack thereof... smelly but....
I think I'll stick with the dead possum, if you don't mind Rik - on firmer ground there. Never had one in any of the various roofs we lived under, although one neighbour did. Caused much suffering to them, and if the wind was in the right (wrong?) direction, us too despite the quarter acre blocks we were on.
Dave, they are a riot like bangings and scratchings in the devil's tin shed of a kitchen! so you have vicariously experienced their wroth, oh dear!
1 more comment
Rest assured you old dog, you are not the only one to have encountered such a dreadful pong .. You demonstrated good scents in moving though when the origin could not be located easily .. Reminded me a bit of the horrors of 10 Rillington Place all those years ago .. and between you and me, of Annie behind the wallpaper of course .. wink wink Neville 🙂
Sorry Nev, I had no wish to disturb anyone, nor provoke unpleasant memories......needed to reduce through ventilation (returned wink) the PTSD I sometimes must cope with as a result of this experience......,
Good read, Dave.
Dead rat in the wall renters nightmare.
Thanks Jerry. I have no idea what it was, and I was only half interested and half fearful of finding out, If you understand me...
Who knows what smells lurk in the depths of rental property? Did you consider an exorcism? Great fun to read, you now have me sniffing around my own dwelling.
I would definitely advise against that, Bella: it may be sleeping and might see your sniffing as a challenge......
This reminds me of a time when there was an awful smell in our lounge - there was a dead mouse under the sofa!
Andy
I'm not sure I should have done this, Andy - seems to have evoked some bad memories for some. All I can say is 'Sorry'!!!
No need to apologise, memories are always worth remembering just for the laughs we can now have about them.
Andy
1 more comment
This reminds me of a time when there was an awful smell in our lounge - there was a dead mouse under the sofa!
Andy
I did apologise, you know....... 🙂
This poem stinks! HA HA. Loved reading it! But, had to hold my nose. 🙂
Do come to some resolution and keep breathing - it does improve quality of life considerably (but keep your distance if you can....) LOL
OK Dave. Loved this smell job. Never had a dead whatever in the wall but did have a live bird fly into the house and end up in the wall. Got it out within hours and it flew away. You did the right thing in moving, could have been years trying to find the damn thing, Got a chuckle out of this one. - Phil A.
Thanks for that, Phil. Never found out where it was - wall, ceiling, floor...? Unspeakable in the end.. Social life began to suffer..
I try to keep it light these days.
I think most of us can identify with that. My house I trapped over 80 rats in the attic one year. The worst was when the would die and fall down between the walls. The smell would raise through the vents until days later a swarm of flies would burst out of the vents and fill the house.
I hesitate to ask for further clarification there...... I did have an encounter with a tribe of mice once which I recounted in "My Domestication' way back when. House couldn't have been yours, surely? If tenant I think a dialogue with a health inspector might have been in order............. Weren't squatting, were you?
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