Rampant Vegetation.

Doggerel Dave

I have no garden, had given my bathroom no thought;

But a surprise Christmas present hinted that I ought

Introduce horticulture into this tiled site -

Quite at home hung off a wall fitting at waist height

It seemed to thrive: Monstera Adansonii toiled -

(Mini Swiss cheese plant, long interwoven tendrils coiled,

Green perforated leaves, vine like - climber it transpired)

Found the wall, was by its verticality inspired.


And every fortnight, more or less, sees new leaf, new height gains -

Hits ceiling: Where to next? An open window close by sustains

Its momentum as a voice from which as a kid I ran -

Aah! “Fee-fi-fo-fum; I smell the blood of an Englishman.”

  • Author: Doggerel Dave (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: December 7th, 2022 00:40
  • Comment from author about the poem: To Andy – Answer from our exchange at your ‘Tomorrows Garden”
  • Category: Unclassified
  • Views:


  • Goldfinch60

    You can get hooked by the cheese plant and taken out of that window Dave.


    • Doggerel Dave

      Wot are you - some kind of doomsayer, Andy? OI expected, having been presented with the facts as requested, you would be able to provide a solution.....

    • orchidee

      Good write Dave.

      • Doggerel Dave

        Glad you think so, orchi - you have boosted my self-esteem immeasurably.

      • crypticbard

        At some stage you'll need a machete to navigate that room!

        • Doggerel Dave

          Plus a stone to keep it sharp...this is all getting too complicated.. I'm going to ban Christmas presents next year...

        • sorenbarrett

          Dave I loved where this went. I too go to the bathroom when I have beans but for other purposes. This one seemed to grow out of control. Hope you find a pot of gold up there. Great piece.

          • Doggerel Dave

            Thanks Soren. Grateful. You got it when I'm not sure if all have.....
            I can empathize with your other visit - had a large meal of beans forced on me (would have been impolite to refuse) and the subsequent visit to the bathroom all but propelled me to hit the ceiling...missed the vine by a whisker.......

          • Neville

            I hear that napalm works wonders

            • Doggerel Dave

              May well be the answer - should solve the mold problem too..... Got to wait 'til I get the gold situation sorted and then go for broke....

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