Hollow

Do you ever think of the hard hitting stuff

about your life?

I’m just thinking about

how lonely I have been

and will continue to be,

and how I want to meet new guys,

but also how very introverted I am

and how I don’t want to use dating apps.

I never rush.

I take an excruciatingly long time

to warm up to people.

The thing is

I’ve been single for a long time now

and it has never really bothered me to this extent.

It’s not like other people are

shoving their relationships in my face.

I guess I feel incomplete at the moment,

like I’m hollow.

I’m starting to miss the small things a relationship brings

like affection

and someone I can talk to about anything

and everything.

When I look back on past relationships

It’s not with fondness.

I think of the bad,

awkward moment

and why we broke up

and the things I don’t like about them.

I’m broken when it comes to relationships.

If I’m being honest,

I’ve never gone on a date.

Like before becoming committed to a guy.

It’s sad.