Internal state & clothes from two years ago

Emotions held in a cage called lack of time

There’s no space for you

A heavy hand in my head

Shoving my emotions down

“Keep moving,” it says

“Look at all this homework”

“These clothes”

“You spend money too fast”

Find the loophole to hide

Get yourself small enough inside

 

I think I’m on an inward diet,

A broken image of who I should be

Reflecting the current flailing state I’m in

Coping by hiding from the mirror

Trying to lose weight within

 

Pounds of culture shock

Rolls of breakup repercussions

I’ll never be slim enough

Careless enough

Social enough

Connected enough

Loud enough

 

Trying to fit myself into old clothes from before I left

Before I did two years of college

Lived on my own

Faced my dream in France

And let go of my current love reality

 

They don’t fit is what I’m realizing

But I pretend for those around me that that do

I can still be someone they’d recognize

Like clothes are all that matter in a person

 

I’m taking them today to sell

Looking back, they were beautiful

Fitting for the girl who wore them

They helped express her joy and unformations

Female clothes ever a disparity of beauty and hidden insecurities

 

Tis time to show more skin, more scars, more maturity

Letting these things hang out, though my brothers will laugh and point

Mom and sister wrinkle their noses and judge

Style unconventional

Too many things piled together

Haphazard but

Somehow more whole

I’ll wear clothes instead of the labels now