There goes that breeze
It blows so strong
There is unease all around
Sailing over seas
Travelling to the unknown
How far away we've come
From our beautiful homes
A different time
What will we find
Who'll be there waiting
Will there welcome us in
We rise over waves
Terrified but not fazed
Wanting to get to that other place
Our battled ground faces replacing the traces
Of anguish and fear
The world feels so small
To hell with it all
Will tomorrow be just like today
Life's like a maze
Time has no hour
No day or no night
It's taken our power
Yet we go on
Finding our way,
to a beautiful day
The rocking of the boat
Briings fear to our throats
We look to the sky
Stars shinning so bright
Offerings some light
While the moon disappears
We're terrified but not fazed
There's a ringing in the air
A child left by its mother
No space on the vast ocean
To carry another
On a boat so small
It'll perish with us all
But yet we push on
Hoping to be reborn
To start a new life
In a world of unknowns
We're scared but look forward to
A beautiful day
No bombs no grenades
No shelters at nights
No snipers or rations
Missing limbs with no fight
No derelict buildings
No more screams filled with fear
Reminders of war of why we were there
Nothing to take our sons from our arms
force husbands and fathers to abandon loved ones
Making widows of mothers and sisters and aunts
Causing stories to be told of heartbreaks, we can't,
Rejected alone,
we cling on and hang on
While we hope and we pray
We'll meet that beautiful day.
-
Author:
Ebony (
Offline) - Published: May 7th, 2023 18:51
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 6
Offline)
Comments2
Nice ideas and concept. Lots of wasted words. Rewrite this and cut it in half and yiu will have a strong piece. Right now it just like you didn’t bother to edit it.
Thanks for the feedback. I'm new to writing and not done much in the way of editing. Something to explore.. Appreciated!
wonderfully intricate in your choice
of wording and imagery
thanks for sharing and remember
peoples opinion on your work
aren't necessarily, the correct opinion
being new to something, isn't a crime
everyone, started out the same
it's just some
self-righteously forget, they did
so write
how and what you want
let refinement find you, when
and as, you progress
in your 'chosen'
journey of Poesy and artistry
too many people, rush
to try and perfect their art
based on the whims and critiques
of hacks, who lack talent
themselves
instead, better I think
to have confidence in yourself
curate your own path
at your own speed
read other works, find what you like
and what you don't for yourself
take people's comments, as just
that mere bystander 'commentary
you choose! how your art blossoms
(really liked these lines:
'The rocking of the boat
*Brings* fear to our throats
We look to the sky
Stars shinning so bright)
Thoughtful and encouraging, thank you. I started writng a few months ago - after the earthquake in Turkey, so its all a bit new to me. Trying to challenge myself to step outside 🙂
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