The EDS Diaries: Midnight Prayers

I lay awake at night, counting tiles on the ceiling

The blades of the fan spin as my mind is still reeling

I think silly happy thoughts, like what it would be like to fly

I pray to God, I pray to Venus, I pray to anyone who might listen for just maybe a shrivel of a minute

“Give me a sign” I mutter

It kills me to even be begging for this

“Please keep my head above water, for I don’t know how long I can continue to swim.”

You see now the battle begins

The tears roll down my cheeks silently

Each ragged breath like a little earthquake

All these questions fill my brain

Am I gonna die?

How much longer do I have left?

How much longer will they stand beside me?

I always let them know full transparency

That it’s okay to leave, because after all

My mind is a foreign enemy and that my body is the hard, cold, painful prison

You see my mind is constantly at war trying to defeat my gypsy soul hostage

And my body, well my body is always trying to keep her contained, under its thumb

Permanently numb

Locked away from ever feeling the sun

Banished to eternal darkness from my mind

And exiled to life in prison by my body

So yes I pray to God, to Jesus, to Venus, and Zeus

That maybe one day, one day soon

I will be free of this ball and chain

Be free to dance in the rain