for good

seventeen

 

my hair is dirty,

my parents are still trying to fix me.

i’m breaking my pencil with force, taking my pen

 

i drink another bottle,

i go the sleep

and in my dreams i’m lost in a mirror maze

 

i wanna smoke,

i wanna lose myself for good,

i want you to understand

and make myself understood

 

my hands are bloody,

i wanna hurt myself again

but what am i going to tell my mother?

 

there was an oak tree

i used to love.

now that it’s gone, where should i go?

 

i wanna scream,

i wanna lose myself for good,

wanted to rip my chest apart

and show you everything i could

 

i want my pills

and i want my cat,

i wanna see your face

but i don’t wanna leave my bed

 

my eyes are closed,

i keep you out of sight —

you are inspecting me and looking for deep wounds

 

i went to see the cemetery today

in the darkness of the night.

i think i am becoming someone else

 

i wanna go wild,

i wanna go somewhere in a van,

i wanna ruin myself

so no one can

 

i wanna sleep,

i wanna lose myself for good

i wanna kill myself

before anyone could

 

the look in your eyes,

i see that again,

the way you sigh

and the way you slouch.

if only in that lottery game you’d

gotten someone better than me

 

there’s this never-ending silence

from the other end of the call

and the days are getting longer,

and i’m trying to forget it all,

and through the thick stone wall

i hear my mother crying

 

my hair’s still dirty,

i’m feeling light-headed

and under this dizzy spell,

before i can even tell

that all the mirrors are clear,

i think

i am finally lost

  • Author: 17 (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: January 1st, 2024 14:00
  • Comment from author about the poem: happy new year everyone
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 8
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Comments +

Comments3

  • David Wakeling

    This certainly is brutal self evaluation.Maybe you should not be so hard on yourself. Look for the good.Tough to read

    • seventeen

      i’m totally okay with myself, thanks for appreciating the idea and the language

    • Bobby O

      You write and I feel deep flurries of emotion. I’m grateful for you. I like this piece and really have come to hold your talent in high esteem. You Go Girl, you go!

      • seventeen

        awww, thank you, my dear friend ❤️ i’m happy this makes you emotional

      • sweetescape

        i have so many emotions over this poem. i just can't express all my feelings only with words.
        thank you, that's all i can say now.

        • seventeen

          thank you for reading me 🤲🏽



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