You’ll Never Believe it Unless You’ve Been There Part 2

Oh what a terribly, strange dream I had

Although it felt quite real for sure

I met a Martian, well I think he was

I’ve never met an alien before

He asked me many questions

And some were quite bizarre

He wanted to know about rubber ducks

And why women had two breasts, not twenty four

He then proceeded to tell me

In a very knowledgeable way

That he had studied our culture for many years

And had a lot to say

He said that we had got a few things wrong

About how the Universe exists

First he said our TV God

Was in fact always full of sh**

He then said that our orifices

Were not used properly

I though he meant our misuse of language

But no it was the way we eat.

He said that where he comes from

There is uniform to everything

That there was one perfect purpose

For each organ and each limb

At this point I became quite cross

Because his smug superior views

Were incorrect and stupid

And then I told him so

It was at this point I realised

That his patience had run low

With a sigh he turned to his alien colleague

And said ‘Klutar, fetch the probe.’

It was at this point that I woke up

In a cold sweat and in a daze

Relieved to know that it was just a dream

That I'm in bed warm and safe

But the worrying thing about that dream

Was in fact I've felt some pain

Because dear reader I have to admit

That my bum has hurt for days