I love when things are as they are at home,
Where my soul sings and desires roam.
Like warm, moist pie on a winter day,
The things of home chase my cold blues away.
So why is it, then, in public we see
Toilets, not urinals, in which to pee?
Why is it both genders share a bathroom?
At home we have two, labeled bride and groom.
Sure they got the big ol’ room just for us
Who like to share a li’l pee while we cuss,
And groan and moan while making a grunt sound
Like home where multi-stalled bathrooms abound.
I love when public things mirror my home,
Where genders have their own bathrooms on loan.
A loo for the girls and one for the boys
Seats for no balls and walls for standing joys.
© 2025 Tristan Robert Lange. All rights reserved.
-
Author:
Tristan Robert Lange (
Offline) - Published: January 2nd, 2025 08:29
- Comment from author about the poem: A playful critique on traditional Loo Logic
- Category: Humor
- Views: 23
- Users favorite of this poem: Cheeky Missy
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Comments12
We each have our own.. and in public are hard put to occupy the unfamiliar throne… it’s easier behind some bushes it would seem!
Yes, we do here in the USA, too. What is happening here, though, is that places are starting to designate single-person bathrooms as All-Gender Bathrooms. Even in restaurants and shops with a couple of single-person bathrooms, the signs are being changed to "All-Gender and Handicapped" to be inclusive and non-binary in their language. That has sent some people up in a tizzy over how "woke" things are getting. For me, are we offended by gender-neutral bathrooms in our houses? Now, I know the issue broadens beyond single-person bathrooms, but it is that hysteria the poem aims to satirize. I personally don't have a problem with anyone using the public restroom they identify as. Just follow proper bathroom etiquette and all is well that ends well as far as I'm concerned. Anywho, thank you so much for reading and engaging my dear friend! 🙏❤️
Bottom line though, it saves dollars to have only one facility. So there’s that which needs no defence. Economy and politics aren’t separate but church and state is, laughable. Etiquette gets flushed down the drain… awesome take and point of view, this poem has done well.
LOL! Laughable indeed! Truth! I hadn\'t even thought of the practical, financial aspect to it. It absolutely is more economical...and ecological...to have only one facility. That\'s not even deniable! On any level. Final meet word. 🤣 This has been a wonderful engagement my dear friend. I am so glad that the poem and its POV delivered. 🙏❤️
I’m old fashioned. I know what I like. I don’t want to share with all and sundry outside my home. 😂 Indoors, I ain’t bothered. A fun look at loo logic Tristan.
Fair enough, Cassie! 🤣 Thank you so much for your time and for your thoughts. 🙏❤️
Your note piques my curiosity since it slams some party and I suspect I'm of the same. Humorous and facetious with a hearty twist, I'm just lacking enough sleep to remain a tad confused. Why they don't simply give mankind the bathrooms we grew up with at home, is a topic for further discussion another day, because regular toilets for all seem the most logical. I mean, pardon me if the girls/ women who haven't lived with males long enough need to learn both to check whether the seat is down and also not to sit on public toilet seats. Delightfully rendered with excellent imagery and a fitly haunting poignancy. Thank you for sharing.
Yay! I love to pique curiosity! 👏 Not a political party per se..more or less "conservative views". 😉 Though the more I think about it, my note may not actually capture it. Will think on how to word it and update my note to make that more clear! So, thanks for that question. Anywho, I hope this helps with the confusion. As for your assessment, I concur! LOL! I for the life of me cannot figure out what the big deal is...and, since I am a man, I will say this for balance...for those of you men who live with women and STILL haven't learned to put the damn seat down 🤦♂️. Anyway, my friend, glad that the poem resonated despite the confusion. Did not mean throw to conflate political parties with my poem.
That's a curiously worded reply addressed to an obvious girl... oh well. Thank you for answering, I guess. My brother puts the seat down, thank you. And at work on the 2nd shift I pulled today I put the seat down on the toilet some one of the truckers had used, before I sat down.
Oh boy, I seem to have upset you, my friend, which was not my intent. I was not addressing you with my “men” comment, obviously. 😂 My reply is simply in solidarity with my female counterparts, including you…anyone who has sat on a toilet with no seat down knows it sucks. Comment addressed to the men in the comment room. Your brother sounds like a gentleman, too! Anywho, thank you my friend! ❤️🙏
I've accidentally sat directly in the toilet bowl more than once in the past 40 years and still fail to check EVERY time. Thanks again, sorry, I was coming off of pulling c.16 hours and no sleep, please forgive me.
Oh, no worries, friend. I am just glad I could clarify! 🙏❤️
i am with your own loo brigade all day long, do not public toilets at best of times. A very entertaining and fun read about todays way of thinking. Really enjoyed
Me too, Tobani! I loathe public bathrooms. I wish there were more 1 lad/lady/whoever loos too! LOL! Seriously. And for the men...who ever thought that lining up to pee like a herd along a fence was a good idea 🤦♂️. That's just loo ludicrous! 🤣 Seriously, I think I have a public toilet phobia! 🤣 Anyway, personal quirks aside, thank you so much for reading and engaging with this poem, my friend! ❤️🙏
You are very welcome
Excellent write Tristan
Thank you Tony! 🙏❤️
You're welcome Tristan
a fun write that tackles the awkwardness some feel, I have no problems with people choosing to be what they wish, but yes, public toilets should probably have labels for ladies and gentlemen and disabled. Ps don't ever go to any public toilet in Italy they are the worst. 🤣
🤣 Good to know! I try to avoid public toilets in the USA too! LOL! Thank you so much for reading and engaging, my friend! ❤️🙏
Reminds me of the two seater on the hill. Once shared a dorm with some other guys where the bathroom had no doors and six toilets with no stalls went wall to wall. Privacy was never an issue just pass down the tissue. A fun read
🤣 Oh wow 😳 LOL! Thanks for reading, Soren! Glad you enjoyed!
I must laugh at the absurdity, but I have often pondered the same topic! however, living a life with only sibling brothers, I must say I prefer a gendered loo, though I am very particular outside my own house! I think I know why I hate camping.
Hahaha! Yes, the absurdity is laughable, especially when most places are simply reserving single-person loos as "All-Gender" which, of course, they are that way in our homes. 🤣 As for all male, siblings. My sincerest apologies! No explanations needed! 🤣 Thank you so much for your time and thoughtful engagement my friend. I hope your new year is rocking so far! ❤️🙏
I believe women are the losers, in this case.
In single-person, all-gender bathrooms? How so? And are they the losers in households too? I am lost as to the difference. As for larger, multi-person bathrooms, I would still ask the same question. There’s no evidence or statistics to prove or even suggest anyone would be a loser. Society would adapt These things are all socially taught. Anyway, that’s how I see it. Regardless, I very much appreciate your time and engagement, my friend. I feel it is important to have these discussions and am always grateful for people willing to engage. 🙏❤️
Awesome poem
and very funny I'd say!! 😂
You hit it on the nail,
In every way!!🤩👍👍
Thanks for sharing
brought a big smile
to my day!!🤩
Best regards ✌️ Thad
Thank you, Thad! Much appreciated my friend! Glad you liked it and found it delivered, my friend!! ❤️🙏
Has a lot to do with plumbing. We lads have it external and till about sixty or so don't need it but a fraction of the time the ladies do. All for it, his and hers.
Thank you so much, Dan, for reading and engaging! Much appreciated my friend! 🙏❤️ My poem was specifically dealing with single-person gender neutral bathrooms, which are no big deal in the home…but are for some reason a no go in public, because ??? Not sure why. That has always confused me. To address your points, which seem to be more toward multi-person bathrooms…as I see it, it’s more complicated than just human anatomy and physiology. There’s the psyche, the emotional make up of a human being, their psychological make-up, all of that. Segregating bathrooms and, especially, not providing reasonable alternatives (such as single-person gender neutral bathrooms) for people is more harmful overall than the other way around. All the same, I truly appreciate your time and thoughts. These issues are vital to have discussions on and you have contributed to that my friend! Thank you again! 🙏❤️
Good write T.
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