Jack and Jill went up the hill
This was never in dispute
It was how Jack fell down
With severe lacerations to his crown
That the jury had to conclude
Jill had a bun in the oven
The news was all over town
The bakers' wife was aghast
Her husband and his shady past
He liked a cream tart
Though, when cautioned down the red-light district
Cream was never mentioned in the Constables statement
Back to that ill-fated day on the hill
Jill says Jack was going down, on her
He was certainly on the edge
A couple walking their dog, state the baker was on the ledge
This was later dismissed when the couple admitted they didn’t have a dog
This was light relief for the jury in this sorry affair
Mrs Black didn’t turn up to church on Sunday
The stand in vicar didn’t know this, being new
All hell broke loose as the witness swore
Jill gave birth on the floor
A black child appeared
There was uproar
The baker shouted to his wife, with a frown
Three women stood up
So he sat down
They all turned to the bench
The Judge was holding his gavel
Somewhat in despair
DNA later found traces of poor Jack's hair
The Judge was taken down, mumbling
She said she was on the pill, Jill
That was the end of this sorry tale
Though the papers ran amok
Monday's headline read
Jack and Jill went up the hill, with the folks of Trill for an orgy and thrill
But things got out of hand
The Judge saw red and whacked Jack dead
And they all came tumbling after.
-
Author:
Paul Bell (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: November 14th, 2025 04:34
- Category: Humor
- Views: 12
- Users favorite of this poem: Tristan Robert Lange
Offline)
Comments7
So it was the judge that broke Jack's crown. No mention of Jill coming after and after Jack offing did the judge come down from his elevated state? A fun read paul with a lot of memories of my childhood nursery rhymes blended in. Well done
Never trust a guy with a gavel. lol
I've known a couple in the past.
So have I. 150 mph my lord is allowed on the racetrack
You weren't on the racetrack, Mr Bell..
Passed a guy that was doing 70 mph in a 50 mph zone I was doing over 100 mph and the cop pulled the guy behind me over.
That's a good cop.
I always considered Jack and Jill was true but its just dawned on me - of course its not true - who would go UP a hill to fetch a pail of water. That apart a great fun write - enjoyed the read!
Definitely, the truth needed telling.
Always thought there was something suss in that nursery rhyme. Always asked; never got answers until......
It's a mystery solved, alright. Now, that JFK thing just never wrang true.
Onward, ever onward Sir - you'll get that one solved in five minutes.....
Yes, now we know the true details of that nursery rhyme! lol. And if they bound Jack's injured head, that vinegar and brown paper must have stung! Like salt to an open wound. Ouch!
That Grand Old Duke of York dunno if he's coming or going either, and his men are getting fed up going up and down that hill too. lol.
He not on garden leave, Mr York. Ten thousand redundancies mind you, not good.lol
My friend, this had me cracking up…absolute chaos from start to finish. It reads like a courtroom circus wrapped in a nursery rhyme…wild, irreverent, and hilarious. 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦⬛
Good fun write Paul.
Andy
Not for Jack. lol
Clever! I love this retelling.
It is different. lol
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.