What Changed

When I applied to transfer in 2020,

I do not remember worrying

about rejection.

I applied to four universities,

and the acceptances kept arriving,

one after another,

and my anxiety came

when it was time to choose.

Now it is 2026.

I have applied to one graduate program:

Texas Tech University’s

M.A. in English.

Back then, 

I worried about where to go next

But now,

I worry about something else.

Something I have seen

again and again

in emails,

through the lack of an email,

and in the status section of a job application:

Rejected.

I have learned

that wanting something

does not mean

you always get it.

I have lived life.

I have beaten cancer.

But now the anxiety has returned

this time, with a different question.

It is small, but it is there,

repeating itself:

Will I actually be accepted

like I was back then?