They say I'm selfless
But
I feel so damn helpless
Struggling to swim in a sea with countless
Ever so vast, expanding, boundless
Terror and fear, my screams are soundless
Dreaming of days when blue sky's are cloudless
***
Rain pours on, I have no prowess
I trudge alone, my pain is bowelless
The sky turns black, I stand there shroudless
My beaten soul, shakes and cowers
I smile and take it, bleeding and fightless
My eyes are blind, I'm wandering sightless
The abuse is normal, I'm weak and prideless
It is never ending, constant, tideless
***
The sun will shine the day I'm lifeless
I'm stuck living, an eternal crisis
My brain is full, breached and dreamless
Every threat made, superior and seamless
***
My lungs are punctured, heaving and breathless
The time is now, I'm ready to end this
-
Author:
Whimsical_1 (
Offline) - Published: October 6th, 2016 21:28
- Comment from author about the poem: Id love any comment you have to share with me :)
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 54
Offline)
Comments4
I am no expert, but you poem reads effortlessly and beautifully. The message is clear that outwardly you appear o.k., but inside you are in overwhelmed with turmoil and depressed. I love "my beaten soul shakes and cowers."
Thank you so much for your words. I appreciate you taking the time to tell me how what you get from this and how it reads. It really means a lot to have people just willing to read some of my work and write a quick response
I know exactly what you mean.
In review of this piece, I feel what you are going through, alone and stuck in a situation of which you have no power over. I like that you got right to the point. Excellent!
Thank you so much for your review. It intrigues me to know what others get from my words
THANKS WHIM ~ for a very elegantly written poem pulsating with rhythm and very clever rhyme ! The contents however is less sparkling ! The poem describes a downward descent for helpless.to breathles and finally "The time is now ~ I'm ready to end this" Hope your depression stops short at that. I've had a busy week ~ but it's now FRIDAY (5pm and i'm home) so the cloud has lifted ! LET THE WEEKEND BEGIN ! (Hope that lifts you up !) Yours BRIAN
Thanks Brian for your kind words. Writhing is just a way for me to express feeling I really appreciate you taking the time to comment, have an absolutely wonderful weekend!
Wow! and I thought I wrote about the darkness... You have this character, (hopefully not you) in such a trapped downward spiral from everything and everyone around him, I can actually feel the pain as I read...
Haha, yes, when I write poems I tend to write them on the darker side. I'm really happy that you could feel and possibly even empathize with the hypothetical character created. I try to connect and touch my readers on a deeper level than just words, as I'm sure you do as well. Thank you so much for the feedback!
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.