What is this that I am contemplating, why can’t I understand my own mind?
This is annoying, and I the thoughts that I have about myself are not kind.
I truly believe I am not special or beautiful, that I am a waste of space.
That I do not deserve anything, that I should leave this place.
I do not do anything but hurt everyone and I am such a burden,
That I can’t create the change I want in this world, so I should just pull the curtains.
I may have positive thoughts and big dreams, I have the ambition that is needed…
But without confidence, I am left with a monster I created.
Now I live with the consequences.
I did this to myself…
Buried everything and left it on the shelf.
I couldn’t stand against it, now it breaks me down.
It is now stronger than I,
The demon that tears me up from inside.
It tears at my skin, bruises my face
Laughs and has a party because it is now on the surface.
This creature now has me buried deep,
And cannot wait to put me to sleep.
I look in the mirror and am not sure what I see,
It isn’t my face anymore…this is a stranger…
I’m terrified and can smell the danger.
Of the smoke that enters my lungs,
And I know the torture has only begun.
I still hold onto hope and I do not want to die…
So why does this creature insist that I try?
The sickest part of it all is it whispers to me, these suggestions circle in my mind.
Then I perform these acts…because I never can resist, not a single time.
But Why?
Because no one believed me
They did not recognize the truth on my lips, they just could not see.
Or is it the insults that continually grip me.
Encase me and just leave me be,
To drown in the darkness with no way out
And now it’s too late. No one will hear me shout.
I no longer have a voice, I have lost my power…
Now I am just a shell
That this beast compels
To do awful things, has me do its bidding
So why is it that I keep on pretending?
Like everything is okay,
That I will find my way?!
When in reality I am not sure if I will make it another day.
I always say make it to where you can go to sleep.
Then when you open your eyes the day is brand new,
…but I know I am just kidding myself because that isn’t the truth
I still feel hopeless, and I carry over the weight from yesterday…
Yes, I would put on a brave face, but now I just see it as a mask.
Like I said I am tired of pretending, I am broken!!! I am not afraid to admit it.
Because it is okay to feel this way.
I am not sure what else to say…
I don’t think I can put myself together, I am full of pain…and can’t handle the nightmares anymore.
My mind racing, just makes my head sore…
What do I do know that I have admitted this to myself?
I can no longer play the role of being a puppet,
And I will not return the power to the demon that lives within.
I can’t handle this all at once…I don’t know what else to do….
So now I guess I will ask for suggestions from all of you.
I know you all probably actually do not care,
That you probably think I am just seeking attention,
But you couldn’t be more wrong.
I loathe myself for even thinking of posting this one.
But, I still have a small shred of hope and this is what I feel I have to do.
-
Author:
littlegoat23 (
Offline) - Published: November 24th, 2016 00:07
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 115
Offline)
Comments6
wow little goat--this is a powerful and beautiful aching poem letter.
soak in all the beauty and love and kick that demon of self destruction to the curb.
Find something to laugh about. Keep Writing.
I will definitely try
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh SWEETHEART ~ YOUR ARE YOUNG AND VERY BEAUTIFUL ~ with your whole life before you ! We all love you and hate to see you depressed or sad ! I agree with FLEUR ~ KICK THE DEMON OUT OF YOUR YOUR LIFE ~ and blossom as the beautiful Rose GOD created you to be ! Love & HUGS ~ YOUR MPS FRIEND BRIAN
Thank you so much i appreciate it
Thanks for posting your work. I think you have helped people with this. You are very brave. You should not loath anything about yourself. I wish for things to get much, much better for you.
Thank you for your kind words
Welcome😉
Awesome and powerful and beautiful poem
Thank you
Welcome
You write of things that many people are unfortunate enough to experience, but unlike most that do you are strong enough to speak of them and, in doing so, you are helping others as you purge the demon from within your soul 🙂 It is clear by the amount of effort which has so evidently gone into writing this powerful piece that you believe the words to be true, and in this case you should also believe that "it is okay to feel this way" because this is the first step in overcoming the evils which hold you back and bring you down. Sending support xx
Thanks I appreciate it
I just have to say you are beautiful. You are a truly special creation and your heart shines with light. That demon inside you is trying to stop your light from shining and that is why you have to fight.
Fight with all your strength, fight for your life. You are never alone and you never will be. I know that not everyone wants to hear this but you are in my prayers. I love you, truly and completely and forever.
Never give up...
Thank you very much. I appreciate your kind words
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