Sometimes I feel myself dying inside…
In the dark, crippled by emotions, hate, anxiety, weary?
The sea of thought becomes deeper as a navigate my way out.
And I get lost and give up, until…
I find myself and understand it all, and the dark clouds break open
And the sun shines upon me in mystical ways and I am alive….
But once again, I find myself looking in from the outside.
I am a stranger to my own senses, I am the ghost hiding in my own shadow,
I am the distorted reflection of my own image, until…
I see so clearly the vision of who I am, and who I have become
And what I want to be. I am complex but free ….
But once again, it’s gone.
Lost in the tangled web of reality and imagination.
I dare say I am delusional and functional?
by all senses of the word I wake up every day
and participate like every other person I see
and I become like them without ever knowing who I am until….
I define myself with certainty and assurance, miles ahead the race
Head above the crowd, restless and powerful….
And once again, I am confused by what I understand
and what I think I understand
and I glaze over people and life. it is unreal.
Nothing really exists because I don’t see myself until…
I hear a voice that tells me what I am or who I am and I understand…
And once again… who am I?
Sometimes I feel myself dying inside…
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Author:
AnastasiaBeaverheusen (
Offline) - Published: December 3rd, 2016 23:48
- Comment from author about the poem: living with bpd
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 29
Offline)
Comments2
WELCOME ANASTASIA ~ Thanks for having the courage to share some of the effects of BPD (borderline personality disorder) with us in your first poem. It is elegantly penned but the content veers between uncertainty and acceptance of WHO YOU REALLY ARE ~ The final line is a real CRI DE COEUR ! "Sometimes I find myself dying inside" This is a very empathetic site and you will find us all supportive. Thank you for sharing I trust you found it cathartic. Yours BRIAN (UK)
Wow, I didn't really expect anyone to read this and respond! Thanks so much, your words mean a lot 🙂
an amazing first write.... I totally loved it so keep it up!!! can;t wait to read more
Thanks 🙂
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