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WILLGQB

Wandering alone

At the gates of testimony 

I weep

Endlessly

 

Do I deserve this?

What could I have changed?

Am I the man I promised I'd be?

Do my own kids even look up to me?

 

It started off well

Days and days passed by

I followed his every command

From the opening of the great book

To the way I treated His holy land

I did it all right 

Until one night

I suddenly fell 

 

Relaxed and dazed but content

Arising I awoke from my slumber

I didn't stay up all night, or at least I hadn't meant

This life wasn't easy anymore

I felt judged

Ridiculed

Dejected

 

Those closest to me were gone

Those farthest from me were close 

To close

I felt out of place

I said to myself, "I don't belong here."

Not "here" as in location

But this general place

I'm not like anyone else 

As soon as things go wrong 

The evil comes crying out to me

Wanting me

Every demon wants it of me

For their purpose commends 

And sometimes I feel as if 

They are my only friends

 

Do I deserve this?

What could I have changed?

Am I the man I promised I'd be?

Do my own kids even look up to me?

 

Pure and genuine 

Humble and truthful 

These are the credos I once lived by 

When originally afflicted by Jesus Christ's great compassion

 

I had been like this for a great while

The narrow path led to infinite doubt 

Despite the claims against him I continued to walk mile by mile

Until I could no longer walk alongside Jesus route 

 

I turned to darkness

Adultery 

Lust 

Carelessness

Dishonesty

My life was a cloud of uncertainty 

Living inside of me were the demons I could not fend off

Always calling …

Always begging…

They never leave me

Until I call out to God 

But sometimes...

He doesn't answer me...

Is it something I did? 

 

Do I deserve this?

What could I have changed?

Am I the man I promised I'd be?

Do my own kids even look up to me?

 

Now I call out to you God

I want to love the people

I want to love you

Let your grace rain down on me

 

I deserve this

I could have changed.

I’m not the man I promised I’d be

My own kids don’t even look up to me

 

God,

I cry out to you

In my final hour

I have no power

I beg for your forgiveness

Save me

Please don’t reminisce

Lord…I’m sorry

  • Author: WILLGQB (Offline Offline)
  • Published: December 13th, 2016 14:41
  • Category: Religion
  • Views: 33
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Comments +

Comments4

  • BRIAN & ANGELA

    WELCOME WILL ~ Thanks you for a very personal and confessional first poem ! The CHRISTIAN walk is never easy and if we are honest (as you have been) it is not an upward path to GLORY ~ more like a Roller Coaster of ups and downs. While on Earth none of us can equate to SINLESS PERFECTION ~ That is our state when we reach Heaven ! GOD knows we sin ~ BUT ~ He says if we confess (as you are in this Poem) our SINS He will forgive and cleanse. Confession and cleansing is a daily process and we are indwelt by the HOLY SPIRIT who helps us to avoid evil and keep on the straight and narrow ~ AMEN Thanks for sharing ~ Praying for you ! There are a lot of Christians on this site so you will get support and encouragement ~ Yours Brian

    • WILLGQB

      Thank you, Brian! This wasn't exactly my life story, more like a mix of a bit of my story, with another part being a future-esque me in the afterlife thinking back. I appreciate your support.

    • SilentLaugh

      OMG! This is so beutiful, it brought tears to my eyes and wreached my heart! Great job, Will

      • WILLGQB

        I appreciate the support. Thank you!

      • Tony36

        Beautifully written and expressed

        • WILLGQB

          Thank you!! (:

          • Tony36

            Welcome

          • AlanLikesToWrite

            This is awesome mate

            • WILLGQB

              Why thank ya, Gov'na!!

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              • AlanLikesToWrite

                You're welcome GOVNA

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