Missing You

I miss you.

Oh God how I miss everything about you

You always had the best laugh

Contagious and cute

Your skin was softer than mine, and I was obsessed with feeling it

I want to remember that feeling. So bad.

Your lips were smooth like eating ice cream off a spoon

It was easy to kiss you

You touched me like a painter working on their 'masterpiece'

It was always so delicate and I couldn't help but throw my head back

You were kind and your words proved it

That time when you laid above me and sang our song,

and stared into my eyes,

and meant every lyric,

and finished by saying

I want that song played at our wedding

Thinking about it now, I cry

It sucks that I reminisce in the good and block out the bad

I seem to forget when you would cancel plans for your friends instead of me

When you had multiple conversations through text with girls who were only friends

I forget that you ignored me during and argument saying

We'll talk about it tomorrow

I forget about the nights after nights that I cried over you

I forget all of the bad

I think about all of the good and it's like,

I miss you

And I hate seeing you around now.

I hate fighting the urge to walk up to you and confess my love

I hate lying to my friends that I'm over you,

lying to myself

lying over and over thinking that it'll help me move on

because it hasn't

and I don't think it will.

And there's a million and one questions racing through my mind

Are you okay

Do you miss me

Are you feeling the way I am right now

Do you ever think about me

I leave you be because you claim to be happy,

and I truly do want that for you.

I believe in you so much

I see the potential that you have as a decent human being

You're so smart and I can't wait to see what you accomplish in life

It's just hard to realize that no matter what you accomplish in life,

I don't get to be there for it.

It wasn't in God's way.

Acceptance is hard and scary

It's a long process that I struggle with

It's just that no matter how hard I try,

I miss you.