Michael Edwards

A RESTAURANT CRITIQUE

  A RESTAURANT CRITIQUE

A recommended restaurant with outstanding cuisine,

assurances given by all those who’ve been.

Original menu which changes each day,

value for money so the top reviews say.

So I took the advice and decided to go;

a report of my findings is given below:

 

Mixed Vegetable Soup served with a Partisan Roll.

Vegetables cropped in a questionable region

afloat in a broth of indeterminate origin.

A kiln fired roll with a rock hard crust,

exuding aromas of yeasty green must.

    

Lemon Sorbet

     To cleanse the palette – well that’s the idea -

  unappetising colour – far too slushy I fear.

 

     Slow Baked Chicken with Thyme Jous, Seasonal Vegetables and New Potatoes.

       The slow baked chicken was served up late,

        the thyme jous wasn’t worth the wait.

       Which season’s vegetables? - open to conjecture

       not this season’s crop I would hasten to venture.

       New potatoes – well I would certainly hope so -

       but the colour suggests they were cropped long ago.

 

       Profiteroles with Whipped Cream

     Three balls of lard with cream injected

     and the chocolate sauce – it looked infected.

 

       Cheeseboard

       The cheese looked dry and I heard myself mutter:

       ‘Not enough biscuits, and where is the butter?’

 

       Coffee with Mints

       An elixier coloured a dishwater grey

       the aroma of chickory fermented in hay

       And as for the mint it was really quite stale

       complete with white bloom and as hard as a nail.

 

 

         So marks out of ten -I’d give it just three

         and that’s being generous – don’t you agree ?

Comments11

  • ron parrish aka wordman

    well,as a restaurant manager/supervisor,retired
    i can relate to this !

  • WriteBeLight

    It is terrible when you spend your hard-earned money on over-priced, horrible "food". Good job Beautiful artistry as well.

  • Dford1

    I found it witty

  • Tony36

    Wonderfully written and expressed

  • Michael Edwards

    Thanks to you all - we've all been there paying over the odds although part of me says I'd rather that than another dehydrated pizza or an indigestible beef burger.

  • BRIAN & ANGELA

    You are a Gentleman Michael ~ but I would have named and shamed ! Loved your critique 10 / 10 for that. I teach "Food Science & Nutrition" and that meal was unbalanced ~ unhealthy and under / overcooked and I guess over priced. The food in our College Training Restaurants is always excellent and the "feed back" we get is always very good or excellent ! Thanks for sharing I enjoyed that ~ the poem NOT the meal ! Yours BRIAN

  • Phoenix8523

    Wonderfully written! Enjoyed it greatly. -- phoenix

  • Michael Edwards

    Thanks Phoenix and Brian - I'm actually feeling quite hungry now. Looks like I'd better book into your college Brian - always in London being a Londoner myself.

  • Augustus

    Terrific use of culinary words. Lots of fun. "Chickory fermented in hay". Great.

  • Michael Edwards

    Thanks Augustus - can you imagine the smell?

  • Doggerel Dave

    No satisfying you is there? 🙂
    I have a digestive system too; I can't be sure, but I think It may be coming out in sympathy.I hope it doesn't become too over active....
    Excellent fun write, Michael - I can relate to that.

    • Michael Edwards

      Cheers DD - It's the so-called jous and sauces etc which I find really funny. Usually take ages to lovingly prepare and then just a few blobs on the plate - never ever enough to make any difference to the dish - only there to make the plate look pretty methinks. What's the point?



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