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did you realize at the time

that your horrible decisions

would affect my life forever?

and change how i viewed the world?

i thought it was a safe happy place 

but now it isn't anything more than 

black nothingness.

did you realize at the time

that years later

thinking back to what you did

would bring me to the bathroom 

with a razor blade in one hand

and a bottle of pills in the other

hoping the pain will end

wishing my heart would stop beating

because you were just the beginning.

the beginning of a long line

of abusive relationships

and nights of crying myself to sleep.