Things I wish I could get rid of

It has been over a year since I let the calculator in my head go on vacation. 

Weather you like it or not an eating disorder can only ever go on vacation. 

You cannot rid your body of it until you rid your lungs of air, and these disorders

can only go ever go on vacation even though everyone says you are not your disorders

how can you not become these things?

How can you not become them when anytime someone gets close enough you have to tell

them these problems that weren't supposed to become you and the truth is, they will become you.

Sometimes people stop seeing you and they only see the disorders that weren't supposed to become your identity.

My moms says these things make me unique but there is nothing special about cut marks and scars. 

They do not make me beautiful. 

My mom used to say I choose to be like this but nothing about me is a choice I'd chose. 

Sometimes I pray to god asking to be different, and of course I'll wake up to the same damaged me. 

Sometimes I wish most people in my life were blessings instead of lessons but you have to be grateful for the little things.

I can only hope the people in my life see me for who I am and not these monsters. 

I hope he can love my demons and silence them the way I wish he'd let me do for him.


  • willyweed

    I see your problem as you explain it very well I don't know what to say except that you are the only one who can over power these flaws in you AsK god for a strong mind and will power and maybe you can just over power them with will, that's what I did to mine, I don't know but it might help, I will cheer for you in the fight ILU plus good luck WW

    • omgoli

      Thank you very much!

      • willyweed

        Good luck let me know if you need me ring side I with you in this one WW

      • Tony36

        Well written and expressed Great write

      • Goldfinch60

        Very well written, so difficult to say anything about it I do hope that you will remain strong though.

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