For a long time I don't think I have felt anything significant.
Now that I am feeling emotion again, something that for a while I craved, I find it overwhelming.
I am constantly on but the options to turn off also feel too overwhelming.
I am stuck.
How can you crave both home comforts and familiarity, as well as strange scenes and unfamiliar faces at the same time?
There is a mess of fear inside of me that changes all the time.
Sometimes it takes over my whole body.
From my head to the tip of my toes it can spread.
Other times it feels so tiny I can even convince myself it's not there.
It's gone, I've finally outgrown it.
Unrealistic optimism.
It never truly goes.
If you're born someone that has to carry such a weight within you, it will always be something you need to carry.
You can sometimes change how heavy it feels within you, but very rarely does anyone have the power to make it disappear.
Some say they do, but maybe they're suffering with unrealistic optimism, just like me not so long ago.
Suffering is possibly the worst choice of word I could've used.
Nothing about it feels like suffering.
To feel like you have eradicated something so painful is one of the most freeing, empowering feelings you can have.
It never lasts though.
It is the most confusing emotion that can produce the most unpredictable behaviour.
How can something make you want to curl up under a heavy duvet, with the curtains closed over and the door firmly shut and sob for hours on end,
whilst another time push you out of the house, meeting person after person, just to make sure they're okay.
Going place after place just to try and escape that fear, that darkness.
Anything, anywhere, anyone, to act as a distraction.
The most confusing emotion that can produce the most unpredictable behaviour.
I know this won't last forever.
I know it will pass.
It's waves.
The tide has just came in for the time being.
Whilst it feels like I am drowning right now, some part of me knows that the calm will soon come again.
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Author:
laurenc03 (
Offline) - Published: March 14th, 2017 13:22
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 44
Offline)
Comments7
Would really appreciate feedback, never posted before!
I know it's not great but it's something I wrote in one quick, rushed go and rather than overthinking it and not putting it anywhere I decided to put it out there and see if I could get some useful feedback, thanks x
You did a wonderful job on your poem. I too suffer from anxiety. It's hard to describe to other people. I hope you found writing it out to be cathartic. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you!
Very good work, thanks for sharing!
Thank you!
WELCOME LAUREN ~ Liverpool is the Poetic Capital of England (Roger McGough ~ John Lennon etc) so you are in the right place ! Loved your poem because it is so so free verse and discursive it just flows like Liverpool Water from a Scouse Tap ! (You will have to humour me I'm an Evertonian and to make matters worse I live in the SOUTH of ENGLAND ~ for employment !) I love the point where you turn the tap off "Whilst it feels like I am drowning now ~ some part of me knows that the calm will soon come again ! AMEN". That's what a PSYCHOTHERAPIST does ~ restores CALM to CONFUSED MINDS ~ Poetry is the same it restores SANITY ! Keep WRITING & keep COUNSELLING ! Thanks for caring & sharing ~ Yours BRIAN (UK). Please check my Poems ~ Thanks B
Ah thanks so much! 🙂
Great write
Wonderful write, very well done.
Nice write, we have no control over the rising tides, yet we don't have to sink nor do we have to swim against the current, if we lay back and surrender control we float on the waves and ride them wherever they take us.
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