Will Hiltz

At Ryoanji

 

Crowds of rowdy kids 

 

on field trips ... I hear only

 

silence - absolute

 

Comments4

  • Michael Edwards

    Beautiful little piece - I do enjoy this form which can be quite as difficult to write as a longer poem

    • Will Hiltz

      Much, much more difficult! The other one I've posted here took about a year and a half in fits and starts to get just right, and I later went back through the process in what amounted to an essay I wrote for two friends I shared it with that were amazed at the process. Concerning this one, my profound experience of complete silence amidst the noisy chaos around me as I sat down for an hour to view the garden at Ryoanji was a real challenge to capture well in 17 syllables, and I'm still not entirely satisfied with it in several ways - most notably the lack of any hint of or reference to the season, which is expected in haiku. The fact that the school kids were there on field trips is as close as I came: not summer, when they're on vacation; not the dead of winter for this mostly outdoor outing, and most likely early fall (it was) in my mind for some reason rather than spring. Anyway, thanks for your kind words.

    • Poems_

      Great write

    • Goldfinch60

      Very good write. I too like haiku and senryu.

      • Will Hiltz

        Thanks, Goldfinch60. Somewhat along the lines of Oriental poetry, I have a question that you may be able to answer: You may know some of Kenneth Rexroth\'s translations of poems from the Chinese masters, of which I have been fond for decades. My favorite such poem, however, was IMHO, poorly written by Rexroth - using very stiff and awkward phrasing and word choices, and so years ago I tweaked it into a version that I thought did a much better job. I wanted to post my rendition of it here to give people some insight into the incredible beauty of the old Chinese masters, but since it is not my poem, but only my version of a translation by Rexroth of a poem by Mei Yao-Ch’en, I\'m not sure if it could be posted in the \"My Poems\" section. I\'d like to put it here - with proper attributions - because it seems likely to get better viewership here than elsewhere on the site. Is such a thing permissible?

      • Tony36

        Great write

        • Will Hiltz

          Thanks, Tony36. Glad you liked it.

          • Tony36

            Welcome



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