He‘s like the sun but even brighter,
When he laughs I feel even lighter.
I hate this feeling, the softness inside.
I used to be tough but now I've just lied.
Kill me, I pray, this is too much
For I do hold my breath whenever he does touch.
How can a human feel this way
We were made for war not to dance and sway.
This love and happiness has gone to my head
Insults used to be there but now there's just led.
I can't believe it‘s love, why can't we be friends
Just the beginnings and never the ends.
I should forget, before I get hurt
But instead I just stand there and flirt.
He‘s not interested, I know that for sure.
He wants friendship but I want more.
I've made up my mind, I'm going to give up.
Now when I see him, I‘ll just say "what's up?"
Before I just shyly said hi
But he walked away without saying goodbye.
So that's my love life, there in a box
I'm going to leave it as I can‘t find the key for the padlocks.
That's it for now so i‘ll say goodbye
And onto the next guy where i‘ll shyly say hi.
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Author:
Flowing Words (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: May 28th, 2017 15:38
- Comment from author about the poem: Hello! First poem, yay! Okay, it‘s not very good. It's about what I think being in love would feel like and also being rejected. I'm only young and haven't been in a relationship or in love so share your own experiences. Please leave comments on how I can improve. XD
- Category: Love
- Views: 75
- User favorite of this poem: Confused kid.
Offline)
Comments2
WELCOME FRIEND ~ Thanks for sharing your first poem ! I've been in (and out) of love a few times and it did ring true ~ in respect of the ups & downs of emotions ~ OK ! The sructure of the poem is good and I love rhyming couplets. However for a poem to read well (and be reciteable) it must have RHYTHM as well as hyme ! Lines 6 & 22 have too many syllables ! There needs to be a syllable pattern as well as a rhyme pattern ! OK hope that helps ~ Yours BRIAN (UK)
Thank you so much for the help. I guess my problem with rhythm is I'm doing spoken word poetry where I perform my poems so there rhythm doesn't matter. I‘ll keep rhythm and syllables in mind for my next poem. Thanks again!
So real but there is plenty fish in the sea, there will always be someone better out there
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