Death leaves without dying, denying its delight, confused by the fight for this ailing body tonight, one the mirror has accessed, this alien form it reflects while the Raven circles the room, tasting the air of the half entombed. The promise of clinical trials, turning yards into miles, yarns spun to yearn, why live the lies.
Augustus / Seasons Hospice, Houston, TX / June 2017
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Author:
Augustus (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: June 4th, 2017 09:11
- Comment from author about the poem: I was despondent after having to stop a clinical trial. Actually they are necessary to develop new drugs. What disappointed me was the overzealous attitude of the lead MD leading me to believe there was an 80% chance of tumor shrinkage and no side effects. I was not terribly disturbed to be in the 20%, nonresponsive group, but the side effects were horrible, hence the "lies".
- Category: Reflection
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Comments6
A fine write A. I see they are 'trials' in more than one sense.
Good point!
Exactly. Good observation
I was responsible for drafting Clinical Trial agreements and one of the most difficult areas to address was the question of side effects so I do understand how you have suffered. If you were not properly advised at the time then it could be argued that your consent to proceed was not valid and although I doubt if you would ever want to go down that path it could give you grounds for action. I do hope the effects are in the past - keep writing Augustus.
Yes. We do need to develop new drugs and I wanted to make clear that my despondency had more to do with the misleading comments of a overzealous physician. It (the trial) was taking advantage of mutations that showed up on my genomic profile. The physician had written books on this. I was so hopeful. (I tear up as I write this) it was my second clinical trial.
My profile
(78 y.o. Gleason 9 prostate cancer with metastasis to nodes and lungs, sarcomatoid (small cell) rare, diagnosed 11/28/15, trials on Triptorelin, Docetaxel, Cisplatin, Cisplatin Etopozide, Cabazitaxel , Zytiga, immunotherapy (clinical trial)JTX 2011, and finally an AKT inhibitor (MSC2363318A) (clinical trial)based on mutations in my genome. In March 2017 developed severe lymphedema right leg, secondary to metástasis to lymph nodes. May 2017, ecoli infection and intestinal blockage, then pneumonia, entered hospice May 20, 2017.)
My heart goes out to you - my background is legal rather than medical but I do appreciate from what you say, the position you are now in - all I can do is wish you the very best and as I said before, do keep writing.
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A noble, courageous fight you put up, my friend! You are admired.
Some days easy. Others a bitch. Thanks.
Fall down seven times , stand up eight . Old Chinese proverb .
Very hard to get up but get up I must
Trials must come when fighting despondence and this write shows an outcome brought on by the zealous - -yet tomorrow may still bring an answer by newer procedures - -wishing you this with all my heart dear friend.
Appreciate your sincerity and hope for my future.
Keep fighting Augustus, you will always be with us.
Needed that. Bad day today. Thanks.
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