lostgirl24

Suicide Thoughts

I've contemplated
Drugs,
Self harm,
And
Suicide...
But no one would ever
Believe me,
Because on the outside,
They only see that:
I have good grades,
Nice friends,
A decent family,
And
The fact I smile.
But on the inside,
They can't:
Hear the voices of demons
Taunting me at every step,
Insulting me,
Deceiving me,
And they just won't go away...
Know what it's like
To be burned, stabbed,
Drowned, dead...,
Understand that I can't live a day
Without worrying about
My body (am I ugly?),
My intelligence (am I dysfunctional?),
My personality (am I unlovable?),
My world (how many will die today?),
My God (are you there?)...,
See my constant,
Internal
Anxiety,
Panic,
And
Pain
Because
I'm
Always,
Always
Dismissed...
And you're only
My friend
Or
My family
If you can see past
The
"I'm fine"
And
"Everything's good"
Or even
My smile...
Look past my shell
And see
Who I truly am,
Because
I have
Never been,
Who you think I am.

 

Comments12

  • Stephen.Sapaugh

    Usually I would write a review of the poem, and critique it, however due to the subject matter I don't know if you would like me to do that. Instead I will give my thoughts.

    Suicide is a tempting thing for most people, however in reality what draws us back away from it every time is the thought of how many people we hurt if we do do it. I am glad that you are still here writing, and haven't given in. You have potential as a poet, and I hope that you will pursue that. Also, it would be nice if you could write about the good things that are in your life. That might make you feel better.

  • Tony36

    Well written and expressed

  • FredPeyer

    You penned a heart-wrenching cry for help. Very well written, the opening lines drew me in and kept me there right up to your conclusion.
    Lostgirl24 you are good, I d like your writing and would love to read a lot more. So PLEASE, no more talk about suicide.

    • lostgirl24

      Thank you, FredPeyer. I'll try to avoid the suicide poems.

      • FredPeyer

        Did not mean you should stop writing about it, just wanna make sure you don't DO it! As writers we have to crawl into the skin of our subject and use our imagination. Sometimes when I read something as good as your poem I am not sure if that poem comes from imagination or is for real. Your poem actually scared me a bit. I did get the feeling that this was really YOU. So if it is really you, if you do harbor suicide thoughts, please try to put them aside, but by all means keep on writing about it. Getting it out and on paper sometimes helps.

      • 3 more comments

      • burning-embers

        I like this, it really benefits from your choice of layout too. Have you considered how many of your contemporaries who also say 'i'm fine' and 'everythings good' are also having your internal turmoil? I betcha 90% of writers have. I hope you find comments here rewarding and give us more of yourself..

      • Candlewitch

        dear lostgirl,

        I can well relate to your poem. I take medication for OCD and depression. it helps. (but I wouldn't take it if it interfered with my writing) it also took a long time and many tries to find the medication right for me. I think that writing /poetry is wonderful therapy. and your poem shows that you are very good at it. I want to read more of your work!

        *hugs, Cat

      • BRIAN & ANGELA

        WELCOME FRIEND ~ Thanks for your first poem ~ well penned ~ it throbbed with rhythm which kept one's attention to the last line WHO DO YOU THINK I AM ? You tell us you are 13 ~ well that figures ~ we were all 13 once and life is never easy when you enter your teens especially in 2017 when so so much is expected of GiRLS (and to a lesser extent BOYS).. We all had good "externals" which kept us going ~ but all TEENS share an internal angst about Body image ~ Intelligence ~ Personality ~ The World and God etc and if we get enough NEGATIVES we seek an easy way out ~ SUICIDE ~ but in my experience that is the COWARDS WAY and doesn't give GOD a chance for your to developp as HE designed YOU and your PARENTS whose DNA they shared with you ! OK when I was i3 we did not have mobiles etc (which i hate) but there wers still lots of BITCHES who tryrd to humiliate us. All of us who are replying to you ~ have survive our TEENS and our corporate advice is PRAY ~ TRUST and DON'T JUMP ~ you can never get your life back again ~ AMEN Thinking of you Praying for you ~ Yours BRIAN (UK)

        • lostgirl24

          Thank you, Brian. And I get what you mean by the difficulties of teenage years, although my reasons are stranger than most (but I won't say the reasons on the public chat)

          • BRIAN & ANGELA

            Thanks FRIEND ~ each of us is unique ~ I had my specific reasons for teenage angst ~ which I don't share ! I respect you for not laying you soul bare on a Public Site like MPS ~ although we are all very empathetic ! Take care ~ Your FRIEND BRIAN (UK)

          • AmandaJade

            A heartfelt poem, greatly written. I understand how alone you may feel, and i definitely understand the pain. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me anytime! You aren't alone girl!

          • kendra_dawnn

            I think it's a good thing that you write, not only the good things that Stephen.Sapaugh suggested, but also the bad because how else will you get them out in a non-harming way? I understand what you're going through, and I felt the exact same way as you are right now. If you ever need to talk, message me. It can be about anything; the sky, your thoughts, your favorite food. Anything, I mean it. You did a great job.

          • Hopey_xx

            You did a great job at writing these emotions out. I completely feel the same way, and I struggle to deal with them sometimes. I'm here if you ever need me, just send me a message.

            ps: welcome to Mps!

          • Jmcg

            Keep your head up and keep writing

          • Poetic Dan

            .... Always stay open and true to your self. I've walked and still Walking this path for 22 years now. A year ago I lost a new friend to this disease, one poem to her is called live, learn and figure out.

            Most want want to hear your truth, for the it's too ugly, they just won't see. But to the right kind of people your truth is needed more than the air that we breathe.

            Take care, as we all need each other ;)

          • lost-but-not-broken17

            I feel this so hardcore. It's over whelming and you feel like there's nothing you can do. I'd love to talk to you more and maybe we can help each other out? (:



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