Azura Nightsong

why does he still haunt me?

Scars taking down my body
Tears streaking down my face
Still hear his voice through the misery
scabs being ripped off
Pain shoved in the darkest corner of my mind
Emerging after so long
Making me shudder and spasm
As if a demons cold breath was gracing my neck
It may as well have been, after him

I haven't seen him in months
Yet I still fear as I turn the corner
That the nightmares will become animated
And I'll be within hi grasp once more
And no amount of blaring music
Cant silence the voice in my head
Whispering a plan never taken
I probably should have, after him

She thinks that she's helping
By cursing his name
By reminding me of the damage
Tucked so neatly behind me
So that no one else could see it
I should've died
After being stabbed in the back
I may as well have, after him

Except the dagger was placed from the beginning
Why did I not feel it till now?
How could I lose my innocence without being loved?
How could I not have seen
As I fell deeper and deeper
within the claws of depression
How did I escape without painting my arms red to fade from existence
That's what he wanted anyway.

We all have our own personal demons
Mine just happens to be real
I worry when I resume conscious
I'll feel his viscous arms wrapped around me once more
That he'll be whispering his lies in my ear once again
That I'll be dragged from bed into hell
And be within his clutches for eternity
It's what he wanted, after all.

I was never loved, all that year
Never valued, never cherished
A tool, an asset
A toy to be played with
And destroyed once he was done
Who was that girl making those decisions?
It sure as hell wasn't me.
But I suppose that's what he wanted.

Comments4

  • malubotelho

    Azura, such a beautiful name. Blue is my favorite color. If you wrote this talking about a situation you were in I have to say I'm sorry for you. But I'm sorry for anyone that was in this situation. How sad. This is torture. I hope weren't you. I hope you are like me that have a simple life and have the need to create fantasy to entertain. In either way it is a beautiful writing.

    • Azura Nightsong

      Unfortunately a while back I was in a nasty situation, which I am thankfully out of now. Thanks for reading.

    • BRIAN & ANGELA

      AZURA ~ BECAUSE YOU ARE ONLY 15 AND STILL AT SCHOOL ~ THIS MADE ME CRY ! In one of your comments you mentioned you had been RAPED so I read this as as your account of that and its aftermath. You did "Lose your innocence (virginity) without being loved" and that is so regrettable and for you unforgettable ! For a Male our first full coitus is positive "A rite of passage into Manhood" for a Female losing (or surrendering your precious virginity) is psychological as well as physiological and it moves you into another sexual dimension. If it is taken from you forcibly (RAPE) at much too young an age it is an horrendous unforgivable crime ~ most Men don't understand the damage they inflict ~ especially on a Young Virgin ~ Castration is too good for them they should be sent to the "electric chair" ! I have counselled young Female Adults at College and their experiences mirrors yours. You are Young ~ Smart ~ Beautiful and my prayer for you Azura is that God will give you some release from your horrible memories and fears ! Thinking of you ~ Your MPS Friend ~ BRIAN

      • Azura Nightsong

        Thank you. I was not raped but I was just being used and manipulated. Thank you for reading. In all right now, I simply have my moments.

        • BRIAN & ANGELA

          Ohhhhhhhhhh Thanks AZURA ~ I am relieved it wasn't rape ~ but MANIPULATION can be just as bad so I'm still crying for you ~ yours as ever BRIAN

        • Tony36

          Wow, so emotional. Great write

        • myself and me

          The ghost will be burned by the Sun, once you are completely out of the shadow. A powerful poem.



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