THE DESTITUTE
By fortune rendered dispossessed
the lines of misery on display
with sallow features drawn in dust
like dying embers ashen grey.
With destitution’s excess reached
the victim of afflictions will
on him life’s notice now bestowed
in huddled form he sits there still.
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Author:
Michael Edwards (
Offline) - Published: August 16th, 2017 00:00
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 73
Offline)
Comments8
Michael, you are good! I really like this one. Agree with Santita about line 3 in the first stanza, but would add line 4 to it as well. Hope you are enjoying your coffee after all that hard work and deep thinking!
Coffee drunk - now drawing parts of a plant with grandson - few moments respite while he shows his work to grandma >
Wonderful pictures in both words and painting Michael.
Thanks Andy
The most pleasant thing about this is probably the lack of commas. It sets the pace for a reader individually. Nice.
Thanks Nicholas I always think there are two rules - either use punctuation throughout or not at all. The exception (and only rarely to be used) is perhaps where you want to create a natural break for clarity and to assist in reading it aloud or where you need to indicate missing letters (as in they're for example). There is nothing worse than to see punctuation used incorrectly. And all this before I get on to where incorrect words are used (as in there instead of they're or vice versa - for example). Sorry - I'll stop there but I could go on and on.
It is a bit annoying to see it used the wrong way. Though I think it sets a definitive tone to a piece of writing. Letting the reader decide the pace isn't bad, and by no means a shy value to hold. I think it's clever in its own way. I was going to say "Punctuation", but it sounded rude in my head haha. Anyways, nicely done.
I hardly use commas myself, except where necessary. In this case: A, fine, write, and, pic, M. No need to overdo commas, Orchi! lol. Cooeee, first UK poet of today.
Only when chasing butterflies eh what Orchi !!
A splendid piece of free verse it is, Michael! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you
Awesome write as always. Just beautiful.
Thanks M
Well written and expressed
I am choked by their afflictions. Are they forgotten by God?
Love yours better. By the way, are you post your work by watching the clock?
Forgotten by all - just up and ready to post . I am usually waiting for the magic hour so I can post and get on with my morning exercise routine but it doesn't always work out that way - this morning for example I am a bit behind.
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